Billie Eilish is a popular singer who also happens to be 17 years old. She was born almost three full months after 9/11, so it's not surprising that she'd be unfamiliar with some musical groups from well before her time, such as 1980s arena rock stalwarts Van Halen, as she revealed on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. It's a shame, though, because while she might appreciate the band's artistry, she'll never truly "get" the Van Halen mural painted on my van on a deep, spiritual level.
You see, a popular teenager not knowing an old band made a lot of old people feel old, so they got mad. It's stupid, but it's a consequence of being faced with your inevitable irrelevance. But hey, at least their vans don't have a detailed mural on the side that Billie would stare at slightly puzzled, wondering why guitarist Eddie Van Halen is playing his famous red-striped Fender Stratocaster while riding atop a flaming steed. She just won't understand that the horse symbolizes the fury and equine grace with which Eddie shreds. To her, he'd just be a guy with old lady hair riding a combusting farm animal.
Yes, I have way more skin in the game than anybody else complaining, as evidenced by the enormous, airbrushed "Diamond" David Lee Roth kicking the devil in the balls with one of those mighty leaps from the "Jump" video. And yet, I'm totally cool with it.
I understand that not all pop culture sticks around forever. Most of it has a shelf life, no matter how important it was to you in your youth. So instead of asking why Billie Eilish doesn't know who Van Halen is, maybe you should ask yourself why you care, and then ask why she would even be anywhere near my creepy-as-fuck Van Halen van -- with its lovingly rendered tableau of Sammy Hagar driving faster than 55 miles per hour in yet another, smaller airbrushed Van Halen van that is powered solely by the smooth agave finish of Cabo Wabo Tequila -- in the first place.
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. Check out his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on Youtube!
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