CRACKED ROUND-UP: Tragic Love Story Edition
We'd like to take this time to commemorate the loss of two of our interns. They were star-crossed lovers, working for departments with a long and storied rivalry. Rather than report their liaison to HR, they decided to take poison and end their lives. Any claims that the deaths were due to improperly prepared cafeteria lettuce are pure fancy.
Soren started us off with movies that sucked until reality backed them up. Bucholz followed up with a treatise on exterminating bed bugs while Brockway wrote about scientists pushing drugs on animals. Seanbaby revised Smokey The Bear's origin story and Dan O'Brien closed us off with a horrifying look at what lesser networks would do to Dexter.
|6 Romantic Movie Gestures That Can Get You Prison Time
Because Hollywood screenwriters don't get out much..
"Honestly, if some chick were to try to force oral sex on me....I'll bust it dead in her throat. That would show her."
We feel obligated to preserve So-Pringle's comment for future generations.
|6 Real World Da Vinci Codes That Aren't Full of Crap
Artists got really bored in the days before chemical hallucinogens.
Notable Comment:"Socrates was Plato's teacher, not his "sidekick". "
DeanPeters, why are those two things mutually exclusive?
|6 Iconic Jobs That Are Going Away Forever
The times, they are a'changing. Largely thanks to robots.
Notable Comment:"You forgot toll collectors. Fastrak spells doom for human toll booth operators. In a few years there will be none - just more people looking for work."
SparkyGrinstead, what part of toll collecting would you consider iconic?
|6 Things Everyone Knows About Women That Aren't True
Here Internet, have some shocking truth.
"if women dropped more bombs than men in a video game, wouldn't that mean that women aren't any more aggressive than men, just better at spamming?"
Stop prodding the science, Battlesheep.
|7 Priceless Works of Art Ruined by Staggering Acts of Idiocy
No use crying over spilled art.
"Looks like you fell right into Herostratus's plan. I mean you're still talking about him and it's been nearly 2500 years. Get over it guys, he isn't worth the attention."
You know what, pelcurus? Great arson is worth remembering.
Agents of Cracked
|Ding. Dong. Dead!
Queue dramatic music.
YOU YOU YOU!
|Pimped Out Versions of Everyday Items
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Sarcastic Awards for Everyday Life
Women's Wrestling finally comes to Afghanistan!
Oh sure, this is "Art." But when I do this with plastic tarps it's all "murderer" this and "psychopath" that.
He who climbeth the slopes of Mount Hammertime will be unable to touch this, so sayeth the lord.
by Kamikaze Phoenix
And on the eighth day god said "Let there be Whack-A-Mole"
Worship me! The nonbelievers shall receive doom! The Faithful shall receive Pez!
You see that teardrop? That means it killed someone.
This public service announcement demonstrates how to improve the reception on your new iPhone
Grover be praised! And lo, the path to Sesame Street was shewn unto the faithful.
We take them for granted now, but it took our ancestors years to tame wild automobiles.
Why does no one else seem to take issue with the way Veggie Tales portray the Crucifixion?
All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. But now they're all dead.
"So, Luke, how'd you end up defeating Vadar? Using the Force or something?" "Nah, he wandered out into traffic and I ran him over in my T-16."
Uh... not the "bitches with strap-ons" I was looking for, Google.
Even though you the don't ask don't tell policy was still in effect, everyone knew that Sgt Woofers was a dog