4Only Men Like Porn
The pimps who make up the advertising world have known for decades that the best way to catch a man's eye (and money) is with copious amounts of T&A. Men will line up to buy a large-caliber gunshot to the face as long as there's a scantily clad woman in a submissive pose somewhere telling them how awesome it's going to be.
But what about women? It's been widely believed that the fairer sex isn't affected by erotic imagery to the same degree that men are. And not just in advertising, but in movies, magazines or any other forms in which it might appear. Which is why you don't see half-naked beefcake flanking bottles of hair conditioner.
When actually ...
According to this study, women's brains react just as quickly to erotic images as men's do--and in fact the reaction may even be stronger.
They even use different "circuits" to process them as opposed to the pathways that are reserved for everyday images. Using EEG electrodes to monitor brain activity, researchers showed a group of female subjects pictures that ranged from pleasant to disturbing. Everything was cool until they got to photos that showed couples engaged in sensual poses.
Erotic images elicited neurons to fire at 160 milliseconds, which was 20 percent faster than even the quickest reactions to the non-erotic pictures--even if those pictures depicted immediate danger, like a snarling animal.
Above: less interesting than a penis.
If you've heard that stuff about how erotica turns women on only if there's some kind of deep backstory or emotional connection to what's going on, keep this in mind: 160 milliseconds means the women's brains were lighting up in response to the naked people well before they even consciously registered what they were seeing. Way before the thinking part of their brains could warm up, they already had an immediate, knee-jerk animal response that screamed, "LOOK! A BONER!"
3Only Women Suffer from Media-Perpetuated Body Issues
Women have been complaining forever about the impossibility of living up to the female body image that is presented in media. There are like eight billion periodicals marketed to women, and every one of them has some thin teenager with perfect teeth, huge boobs and no blemishes staring out from the cover--not just Martha Stewart Living. It's no wonder the grocery store checkout line is known as the "boner chute."
This colloquialism was submitted by Gertrude Weinbauer, Food Lion #1557.
Complaints and checkout erections aside, it's not our fault the media is presenting this airbrushed picture of what women should look like, or that real-world women are buying into it. If you ladies don't have the sense to know that it's all a sham, then maybe you deserve your crippling body image diseases.
When actually ...
Men are starting to feel the exact same pressures to look perfect. A recent study commissioned by Harvard found that a full 25 percent of people with eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia are men.
Look at that asshole, just brushing his teeth all the live-long day. How can a real man compete with that?
The effect that these media portrayals have is real and the body image problem has jumped the gender barrier, so stick that in your overly tanned, sharply chiseled faces, men. Surveys show that a growing percentage of dudes believe that the only attractive male physique is an extremely muscular one, and they are going to great lengths to attain it.
Typically, that means consuming large amounts of protein, obsessing about their weight and working out so much it interferes with other parts of their lives. It doesn't even matter that in the media, the dudes who have chiseled bodies tend to be douchebags.
They were right! We were just jealous this whole time!