GOD AND STUFF!
The God Fuse: 10 Things Christians and Atheists Can (And Must) Agree On
CRACKED editor David Wong unites Christians and Atheists just in time for Christmas. Next week, we'll explain how the differences between Republicans and Democrats, are really just illusions forced upon us by pundits and ambitious, self-serving bureaucrats. Or, we'll just post something else about why the Kindle sucks.
Notable Comment: In possibly the most notable comment of all, Jesus Christ posts, "Good Job summing up what I think about everything." No prob, J.C.
CHRISTMAS' SHADY PAST!
Pagan Orgies to Human Sacrifice: The Bizarre Origins of Christmas
You mean there's actually a reason we hang mistletoe? Like, other than forcing girls to kiss us? And, it has something to do with god semen? Wow, who would have thought you could make forcing random girls to kiss you even creepier than it already was.
Notable Comment: "Sigh. Beastiality was brought up, someone posted their fraternity's mission statement for some reason and Keanu Reeves stops by to say "Whoa" six or seven times. You guys know this was an article about Christmas, right? You know that, above every comments section, there's a whole article loaded with words that generally has a point, right? And that this one was about Christmas? Is ... Can anyone ... Hello?"
LISTEN UP, RUPERT!
5 Features MySpace Desperately Needs
We'd never even heard of MySpace before this article was sent in, and we're still not totally sure what it's all about. Is it exclusively for pedophiles, or just mostly for pedophiles? Or, what exactly is the ratio of pedophiles-to-future-pedophiles?
In an unprecedented move in CRACKED history, one commenter receives the coveted "Notable Comment" spot twice in one week! We again yield the floor to Yabels but, this time, it is for his uncanny Dane Cook impression. "Dane Cook presents: 'ANTI-FRIEND.' Cook: 'Everybody knows somebody they just haaaaate. And I mean haaaaaate, like the chick from your last relationSHIT? You know? Well bro, that's your ANTI-FRIEND! Yeah, wouldn't it be cool if you could just say to that person, 'Hey, I don't like you, you're my anti-friend. That's how much you're not my friend, you're the opposite of friend, you're the anti-friend. Go away from me anti-friend, be gone!' And like on MySpace you can just click 'anti-friend' and have a top list of anti-friends. You just tell 'em, 'Chew on that for awhile, anti-friend, put it in your mouf, it's tasty, you know?!'"