I have an expertise penchant for 13 hour naps and fried foods. I manage to sustain the physique of a twig through shear mind power alone. I've noticed being a fatty can make you funnier, but it sure as hell doesn't make you attractive. With every flash fried mozzarella stick I consume, my swallowing emits more of a condescending laughing sound heard only by those overweight within 20 miles of my position.*

*elevation and weather affect range.

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