I have a personality disorder, but it's controlled by medication. I fully subscribe to the Modern Church of Solipsism and my motto: "I think, therefore you're not." I use my mind to make the sun rise in the morning. My vertical jump is very impressive, but only because I can balance a toaster oven on my head when I do it. I have the next best thing to sliced bread, but I'm paranoid someone will steal it and make me watch commercials for it on network television. Late at night, when the lights are off, I like to wear ball gowns and pretend I'm a princess. My wife says it's just a phase.
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