Just a few essential facts about me
I have a PhD, a Masters, and a Bachelors degree, all in KICKING YOUR ASS. I only sleep for ten minutes a day, and whilst sleeping I cuddle an industrial size container of Enriched Uranium. I built a nuclear warhead but I pawned it off for disco ball and a vinyl record of Quadrophenia by The Who, pretty average weekend. I currently have a contract with the Devil, he owes me his soul. I have tendencies to do heroin through a fire hose. I currently live in a rather homey and expansive underground facility primarily designated for the development and testing or Military-grade weaponry and experimentation with the properties of Laffy Taffy. I'm so old school i keep my bitches' names in a Rolodex. I was once in a bar fight with a biker from Wisconsin, which ended shortly after i castrated him with an oil lantern. I have won every academic and athletic award in existence, including the gold medal for the 500yd Men's Freestyle Jet-pack Loch Ness Relay (see results of the 1904 olympics). I was born in a volcano before the dawn of time, it was a theoretical volcano. I hate making decisions, so instead I paint my options on people who cross me and throw harpoons at them to decide. So why has a man such as myself ventured to a place such as Cracked? One simple reassdghasf awroigqw3e30wg4lkasapogij023;g Sorry about that, i had to bash my butler's head in on my keyboard for bringing me the wrong flavor of Kool-Aid. My patience is waning, so shall end this here. Good day.
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