20 Mustache-Twirling Villains (So Cartoonishly Evil We Kinda Want Them to Succeed)

Cackling baddies are the best baddies.
20 Mustache-Twirling Villains (So Cartoonishly Evil We Kinda Want Them to Succeed)

The villain is one of the oldest tropes in the book. They can come in many shapes: lazy, lame, lamer, but also self-defeatingly dumb, awesome, misunderstood, and, well, kinda right. In fact, these are the ones that have really caught our Crackedtenttion. But at the same time, the unapologetic, flamboyant villain is a breed of its own. They flaunt their villainy and are openly proud of the suffering they bring into this world — yes, exactly like that real-life person you just know we’re thinking about and whose name would absolutely trigger you because its mention means we’ve gotten “political” and so we’re no longer funny. It’s a childish response, but yes, we do mean David Fincher circa Alien 3. We will never forgive what you did to Scott and Cameron’s babies, David.

In this Pictofact, we discuss villains so obvious that they cross the limit of just being bad villains, and instead become adorable. Like, whatever heroes – just let the poor guy or gal win, they have earned it out of sheer mustache-twirling, truly cartoonish evilness. Now, following the Cracked tradition, we have also added a few villains that were actually right. Yet our focus is on the over-the-top quality, on the transparent shticks that we just gotta respect. In fiction, that is. Not in real life, where blatant villains are shockingly misrecognized, as if the dojo of Saturday morning cartoons hadn't trained us for literal years to sniff them out from a mile away. Speaking of, did you notice we planted that Fincher red herring in order to hint at a later payoff instead of mentioning real-life cartoon villains like Trump, Musk, or Peterson? That was always our plan, Mr. Reader. Anyway, we’ve run out of space, cue the list!

Mr. Benedict in 'Last Action Hero'

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Last Action Hero Mr. Benedict Benedict is as cartoonishly evil as a villain from an '80s action movie, which is the point. Не speaks with an accent, has a prosthetic eye, and wants to unleash every pop-culture baddie onto our world, a plan so good the Joker copied it in The Lego Batman Movie. CRACKED.COM

The Green Goblin

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Spider-Man: No Way Home Green Goblin We are thankful the movie really let Willem Dafoe have fun with the character's psychopathy. Sure, we were all sad about Aunt May, but we can't say we wouldn't have liked the Green Goblin to win and become a true Avengers-level threat. CRACKED.COM

Gorr the God Butcher

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Thor: Love and Thunder Gorr the God Butcher Gorr begins as a sympathetic villain with understandable motivations, but his villainy goes full silly by the time he's taunting children. However, Christian Bale totally pulls it off, even evoking some Joker vibes with his creepy smile and jumpy voice. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed The Boys Homelander Homelander is a whiny, petulant loser who happens to have immense power, which his fans mistake for actual strength. Moreover, Donald-Trump's Homelander's entertaining villainy has gone so masks-off that Butcher's truly gonna have to step up his game to win back our hearts. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Megamind Megamind He's a brilliant scientist and an entertaining villain that revels in his own evil ways (voiced by Will Ferrell, to boot), so of course we want to see him win. Не already won, though - and became a good guy. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Zoolander Mugatu Yeah, Mugatu winning would mean Malaysian child labor, which is not cool. But it'd also mean more of the loudest, weirdest, Will Ferrell-est performances in an already insane movie. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Seinfeld Newman Newman is cruel and conniving, and his evil, joyful squeal puts him right there with the classic villains. Jerry's own sociopathy is too bleak in some episodes, while Newman's should have been awarded with victory - euphoric, jiggling, squeaking victory. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. Palpatine The Rise of Skywaker is, well, The Rise of Skywaker. But lan McDiarmid's performance as Palpatine (professionally over the top, as usual) gave the movie a bit of sorely needed self-aware silliness. CRACKED.COM

Walter Peck

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Ghostbusters Walter Peck In the kind of neoliberal allegory that could only come from Reagan's America, the villain is a government bureaucrat. Yeah, Peck is an overreaching despot (with no dick), but you can't blame him for being worried about portable nukes. CRACKED.COM

Miles Quaritch

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Avatar Miles Quaritch Quaritch one-dimensionality actually makes him a perfect villain. Sure, we don't like the idea of industrial, capitalistic civilization laying waste to a rich alien environment. But in the story? Kick those corny hippies' blue butts, Colonel. CRACKED.COM

Agent Smith

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed The Matrix Reloaded Agent Smith Smith's evil laugh took what was already an interesting character to Wile Е. Coyote levels. After that scene, we couldn't care less about Neo and Trinity making out-just give us Smith kicking ass and cackling like a maniac. CRACKED.COM

Caledon Hockley

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Titanic Caledon Hockley Cal is so evil he snatched a kid to try to weasel his way onto a boat. We like to think he was ridden with guilt after the sinking, and then became a remorseful character committed to be better (but still peeing on Jack's empty grave once in a while). CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Avengers: Age of Ultron Ultron Played by James Spader in full delight-in-evil mode, Ultron was one of the movie's few highlights. His advanced А. I. quickly learned the ways of supervillainy with over-explaining speeches, sarcastic remarks, and violent outbursts. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed The Little Mermaid Ursula A flamboyant witch based on Shakesperian actresses, car salespeople, and friggin' Divine will always be more interesting than Straight White Couple shenanigans. The Little Mermaid is a fine movie, but it'd be way cooler if it was The Badass Sea Witch. CRACKED.COM

Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Batman & & Robin Mr. Freeze & Poison Ivy The movie has been trashed enough, but the theatrical campiness of its villains makes them much more engaging characters than Bland Billionaire and Blander Heartthrob. Plus, their plans (especially Ivy's) are overtly environmentalist, which today makes them the real heroes. CRACKED.COM

Anyone in 'The Cabin in the Woods'

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed The Cabin in the Woods Just Anyone Look, if the cannibal, unicorn, clown, mermen villains don't manage to ritually kill our stereotypical group of protagonists, the Ancient Ones are going to wake up and... well, that already happened in the movie. See? That's exactly why we wanted them to succeed. CRACKED.COM

The Concierge in 'Home Alone 2'

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Home Alone 2 The concierge Yeah, not a villain villain, but still. Не becomes obsessed with Kevin McCallister the moment he notices something sketchy, and his Grinch-like smile delights so much in the idea of ruining him, that we just want him to catch the little psychopath. CRACKED.COM

Doctor Robotnik

Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed Sonic th Hedgehog Doctor Robotnik Jim Carrey's Robotnik truly enjoys his self-aware evil, sprinkled with enough goofy weirdness for us to just want him to win. Sonic himself is fun but bland, just another wacky CGI character. But Robotnik? Just entertaining, high-energy evil. CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed The Fifth Element Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg You can tell Gary Oldman had a blast playing this nervous trainwreck of a villain, sweating and yelling through the entire movie. We would've loved to see him betraying and out-eviling the Great Evil (which he could do-he's an industrialist, after all). CRACKED.COM


Cartoonish villains we want to see succeed He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Skeletor Half mad scientist and half sorcerer, Skeletor is way cooler than He-Man. We wish he could control is anger issues, hire some non-idiotic goons, and revel in the quick rise to power that would ensue. CRACKED.COM
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