The dark, sticky underbelly of the internet is inundated with madcap election theories that are somehow even more far-fetched than the accusations the actual candidates have been throwing around.
These features deserve to be brought out into the remarkably well-placed light.
If we've said it once, we've said it a million times: Mother Nature is the enemy, and she wants nothing more than to destroy us.
Life on an aircraft carrier isn't nearly as cool as 'G.I. Joe' led us to believe.
Not surprisingly, the strangely haircutted TV news anchors of the past got social trends just as wrong.
When it comes to political traditions we take for granted, not only do other countries do things differently, they sometimes do our democratic values quite a lot better.
Some will call these little overachievers 'inspirational,' but let's be honest -- they just remind us of how much we've wasted our own lives.
Yes, people die during these races.
Life is just a constant disappointment.
As tempted as you might be to shake your fists at the sky at how we've allowed conspiracy theories to get legitimate traction within our electoral system, you might be reassured to know that this sort of thing isn't new.
It turns out your legacy is only as good as the folks paying tribute to it.
'Oh dang. Dang man, dang.' 'What's the problem?' 'My giant ape. It's terrorizing the city.'
Sometimes, major corporations pull off evil so epic that we must never forget it. We should build statues of it in the desert, to warn future generations.