Dark Crimes That Prove Marriage Isn't For Everyone

Some people take the 'till death do us part' thing as an invitation.
Dark Crimes That Prove Marriage Isn't For Everyone

Walking down the aisle is a lot of people's dream. However, for some couples, that dream can turn into a nightmare. Case in point ...

Wife That Wrote An Essay About How To Kill Your Husband, Gets Charged With Killing Her Husband

In 2011, years before How to Get Away With Murder was even a thing, Nancy Crampton-Brophy, a self-published romance-suspense author, penned an article titled "How to Murder Your Husband." Coincidentally, in 2018, her husband, Daniel Brophy, was found shot dead. With a telltale gunshot wound screaming, "NOT AN ACCIDENT!" the police treated the case as a homicide, but without a suspect. Yes, not even the wife who literally wrote a very detailed article about the various ways of killing a husband.

In her article, Crampton-Brophy weighs the pros and cons of various possible murder methods like she's comparing IKEA couches. But it's not just the typical, half-assed options like guns, knives, or poisons -- although they are included -- she also has garrotes, hiring a lover and/or hitman, and even dives into Clue territory with pipe and wrenches. After all, just cause a crime is a cliche doesn't mean the execution has to be.

After listing all these options, she has a portion stating how she wouldn't really have the heart for it, prison orange isn't her color, and blood is eww. 

See Jane Publish
The last line, however, leaves things worryingly open.

After the murder, a post went up on Crampton-Brophy's Facebook, detailing the grief of losing her husband ... which her neighbor disputed, reporting her having, "-- an air of relief, like it was almost a godsend." Crampton-Brophy was eventually arrested, held without bail, and is currently awaiting trial. Fortunately for her, though, she's wearing a blue jumpsuit.

Boxer Fakes Death To Prove Wife Placed A Hit On Him

Being a famous fighter and knocking out enough people to be called the "Puerto Rican Express" apparently isn't enough of a deterrent against others trying to murdering you. Ramon Sosa was a professional boxer. He got an early start on his career, turning pro when he was still 17 years old, eventually becoming successful enough to start hobnobbing with Hugh Hefner. Mirroring his early start, he had an early retirement from the sport to open up his own boxing gym. 

In 2007, Sosa met and was charmed by Lulu Dorantes, who became his wife. The first few years of marriage were like a rom-com, while the later ones were ... not. Lulu started accusing Ramon of domestic violence and sexual assault (which he denied), and he accused her of stealing money from the gym. Things got pretty serious and appeared to be heading for a divorce when Lulu decided that the "death do us part" thing sounded like a much more convenient option.

Enter "Mundo," Ramon's boxing protege with a checkered past involving gangs, who came to the gym hoping to turn over a new leaf. One day, Mundo happened to hear Lulu inquiring about hitmen and rightfully got worried for Ramon. The pair spoke to the cops but were told that single self-reported hearsay was not much evidence to go on. So Ramon and Mundo set out to get more; Mundo reeled Lulu into believing that he was on her side and could hook her up with a hitman. He recorded his conversation with Lulu and gave it to the cops. 

To make charges air-tight (to keep Ramon breathing air), the cops had one of their own pose as a hitman. After agreeing to terms with Lulu, police staged a photoshoot where they faked Ramon's death to get "proof" of the murder. 

Montgomery Co. Constable's Office
All in all, we think he's holding up well for a man standing in what was supposed to be his own grave.

The "hitman" showed the photos to Lulu, who paid the fee and was caught hook, line, and sinker. She was arrested the next day and is currently serving 20 years. 

The Husband That Invented A Stalker To Terrorize His Wife

For two years, Amanda Playle was haunted by a stalker sending her dark, creep ass messages. They appeared to be coming from her childhood ex-boyfriend. Fortunately, Playle had her husband, who she'd been with for 27 years, by her side for emotional support. The messages were relentless and not just getting dropped on Playle, but her parents and co-workers too. Things got so dark that, at the time, she contemplated suicide. But her husband, Paul, would always be there to lift her up and get her back on solid ground ... while also giving her a bit of advice: Don't call the cops.

Obviously, that's a weird bit of direction to follow in that situation, and, eventually, Playle chose to ignore it. She went to the police, who opened an investigation that led to ... (SPOILERS FOR ANYONE THAT HASN'T SEEN A LIFETIME MOVIE) ... her husband. 

Sussex Police
Never could've guessed that from the guy who looks like belongs in the opening credits of America's Most Wanted.

Paul had been harassing Amanda the entire time. Police nabbed him after he'd sent a picture at the entrance of Gatwick airport. He was caught red-handed, taking the photo, by the airport's CCTV. Not only that, but the investigators found that a few emails were sent using the family's home internet router. At the trial, the judge summed up the situation perfectly:

"You watched your wife effectively crumble before you because of the fear she was experiencing from this online abuse ... You pretended to comfort her. That is the most calculating and cruel behavior."

It took a jury less than 30 minutes to sentence Paul to three and a half years.

The Brazilian Lawmaker Who Allegedly Killed Her Adopted Son/Husband With The Help Of Her Other Kids

Flordelis dos Santos de Souza, or just "Flordelis" to fans, is a well-known church crooner with albums on Brazil's top record labels. In 2018, she ran for and got elected to Brazilian congress. Like most politicians, accusations of skeletons in the closet have come out. Unlike most politicians, the accusations hurled at Flordelis are about the skeleton of her dead husband.

In 2019, her husband, Anderson do Carmo de Souza, was brutally murdered in the family home. He was shot 30 times, mostly in the crotch area. (We're pretty sure he got the hint after #5, man.) Flordelis responded by posted a loving photo of him with the caption, "I still feel lost ... part of me died with you ... I feel a mixture of pain and disgust -- what they did to you was so cruel. I love you my Baby."

Chamber of Deputies of Brazil
...And in a world not saturated in bullshit, this is where the story would end.  That said: let's continue.

Now strap in because the amount of neck-breaking twists in this story might violently launch you out of your seat. Flordelis and Anderson first met in 1991. At the time, Anderson was dating Simone, Flordelis' biological daughter. After a while, Flordelis adopted Anderson, making him a sibling of his ex-girlfriend. Flordelis had already made a habit of accepting orphans into her home, but that shit went to another level after the Candelaria slaughter in 1994, wherein Flordelis adopted 37 children at once. Then in 1998, Flordelis married Anderson, making him his own father, son, and brother-in-law.

With a whopping 55 children (four biological, 51 adopted), Flordelis started her own cult-- err, evangelical community, the Flordelis Ministry -- declaring her and Anderson as pastors. Sadly their love began to fade, but for Flordelis, the concept of divorce is ungodly. In her own words, "Do what? I can't separate from him, because otherwise I would scandalize the name of God." So, according to authorities, she went with the godly path of murdering him instead. 

Detectives say the 30-shot murder wasn't the first attempt either. Allegedly, Flordelis had tried sprinkling arsenic into Anderson's food and even staged robberies, but he proved to be the Road Runner to her Wile E. Coyote. After six failed attempts on his life, Anderson finally sensed that something fishy was going on and began bugging the family's phones. This, according to investigators, forced Flordelis and her accomplices to use burner phones like they were on The Wire.

Frustration setting in, Authorities claim Flordelis and at least six of their children said "screw this" and got a gun. Flavio, the couple's biological son, allegedly did the deed, while another brother provided the firearm, with Flordelis planning it all -- including her and Anderson visiting a swinger's club, next to the Christ the Redeemer statue, hours before the murder.

Five of Flordelis' children and one grandchild have already been arrested. However, Flordelis has been avoiding charges due to the parliamentary immunity her position offers. Which is why detectives are currently pushing for her to be stripped of her position.

Top image: Surkov Vladimir/Shutterstock

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?