We're not sure what exactly the following stories say about mankind, other than that none of us really know what we're doing.
Here are some stories that should win a Nobel Prize for discovering the long-term benefits of the universe's eventual heat death.
If the world were going to end tomorrow, or in a week, or in some inconveniently short period of time, I like to think these are the things we should all do to wrap up what was, all things being equal, a pretty alright existence.
I conducted my own study by going to a grocery store, isolating five ubiquitous and hazy buzzwords, and then buying every single product on which they appeared, because I care about making the world better.
Grab a drink and try to wrap your head around these.
Sometimes those nogoodniks manage to find a way to be successful even when they're behind bars. So successful, in fact.
If only they devoted themselves to something that wasn't utterly insane.
Your dating profile is not working because you are literally posing with a sword in your photo.
If you got where you are by couping the hell out of the last guy, so what's to stop the people from doing the same to you? Furious, insane crackdowns on irrelevant bullshit, that's what!
Here are five products that are falling all over themselves to act as your relationship's final Mexican standoff.