While the headlines are dominated by our weekly mass shootings, the reality is that day to day, we common folk make little sacrifices for each other and let insults slide and feel bad when we act like douchebags.
We need to stop saying the following four things, because they lead to nowhere. And as we all know, nothing gets done nowhere.
If you haven't seen the big breaking news story about dinosaur sex, you should pat yourself on the back. Lots of people are reading this and sending it around and it proves we're screwed.
The government hates sick people. With the historic decision on June 28th to uphold the Affordable Care Act, the Supreme Court has effectively given Obama the authority to wipe his fancy loafers all over your constitutional right to be ill.
Sex has always been the silver bullet of advertising, until now!
If making fun of stupid criminals is a crime, then we plead guilty. We'll even do it in some laughably incompetent way so that we can become a list entry in one of our own articles.
The internet is often described as a festering pit of electronic hate, but in the same way your gut is a festering pit of bacteria -- the vast majority are harmless, and you're actually better off for having them around.
The Internet is on the verge of collapse. Again. It's all very dramatic.
Holiday drinks, much like candy canes and pfeffernusse cookies, have only survived as long as they have because humanity spends eleven months each year forgetting how disgusting they are.