Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces gone and the rest coated in sewage.
Our source was molested back in the '80s, and he never reported it to anyone outside of the Church. For 30 years, he's kept quiet. And then he spoke to us.
Every election, politicians keep serving us up the same crap -- stuff that has nothing to do with their ability to lead.
A lot of folks deserve credit for keeping the RNC protests peaceful, but in my experience covering all four days, one man stood above the rest: Vermin Supreme.
As we speak, hundreds (if not thousands) of Republicans are having having hot, nasty, anonymous Cleveland sex.
Crazy votes count just as much as regular votes, and candidates have to find ways to court them. No one is doing this better than The Donald.
Here's a crucial tip for not becoming a toxic monster of a human being: If someone says they've been through an awful or traumatic experience, don't reply with, 'Well, you don't seem very upset!'
Look, we get it. The news outlets are like rival howler monkey gangs cruising for mates.
Donald Trump's made it this far without doing the logical thing, dammit. Why would he start now?
Look, we get it. You're way too busy roaming the streets trying to catch Pokemon with your cellphone to catch the news. We're here to help.
WARNING: TONS OF BRITISH SLANG AHEAD.
There's a reason there's no such thing as C-SPAN and chill.
Rape is an awkward enough topic as it is, let alone when it happens to men we picture as muscular heroes willing to take a bullet for us.