Cracked Archive - News

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/26)

Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to assemble a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces gone and the rest coated in sewage.


Why I Kept My Rape By A Priest A Secret (And Can't Anymore)

Our source was molested back in the '80s, and he never reported it to anyone outside of the Church. For 30 years, he's kept quiet. And then he spoke to us.


The 7 Dirtiest Tricks Politicians Use To Make You Like Them

Every election, politicians keep serving us up the same crap -- stuff that has nothing to do with their ability to lead.


The RNC Stayed Safe Because Of This Clown (Seriously)

A lot of folks deserve credit for keeping the RNC protests peaceful, but in my experience covering all four days, one man stood above the rest: Vermin Supreme.


A Look At The Anonymous Sex Scene At Trump's Convention

As we speak, hundreds (if not thousands) of Republicans are having having hot, nasty, anonymous Cleveland sex.


The Ridiculous Endgame Of The Trump Nomination

The thing that nobody thought could happen, happened. Donald Trump officially became the Republican nominee for president.


Donald Trump Is Courting 9/11 Truthers: The Weird Reality

Crazy votes count just as much as regular votes, and candidates have to find ways to court them. No one is doing this better than The Donald.


When Rape Victims Get Caught Smiling (We Won't Believe Them)

Here's a crucial tip for not becoming a toxic monster of a human being: If someone says they've been through an awful or traumatic experience, don't reply with, 'Well, you don't seem very upset!'


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/19)

Look, we get it. The news outlets are like rival howler monkey gangs cruising for mates.


A 60-Second Guide To Donald Trump's Potential Vice President

Donald Trump's made it this far without doing the logical thing, dammit. Why would he start now?


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/12)

Look, we get it. You're way too busy roaming the streets trying to catch Pokemon with your cellphone to catch the news. We're here to help.


I Was A Cop In A Country With No Guns: 6 Startling Truths



The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (7/5)

There's a reason there's no such thing as C-SPAN and chill.


Raped On The Battlefield: What Male Veteran Survivors Know

Rape is an awkward enough topic as it is, let alone when it happens to men we picture as muscular heroes willing to take a bullet for us.