Cracked Archive - News

9 Hard Truths Trump Wishes He Knew Before Becoming President

There are drawbacks to being an outsider.


Why The Viral 'I Left The Left' Is Based On B.S. Logic

Dave Rubin runs through a list of the outrageous things he claims 'progressives' want, but nothing he mentions bears any resemblance to anything I or anybody I have ever met is actually fighting for.


Everything You Need To Know About Pizzagate (Is Insane)

The people who concocted this theory should be ashamed for wasting a perfectly good name like 'Pizzagate.'


An Insanely Depressing Day In The Life Of Donald Trump

Prepare for the seriously researched, definitive schedule of Donald Jamillah Trump that is in no way designed to antagonize him or his supporters.


Why Democrats Are Every School Yard Bully's Wet Dream

In reality, if a werewolf tried to play high school basketball, he'd be shot in the face by Betsy DeVos.


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/7/17)

This week we rolled out our weekly news feature like the good SuperBowl ads -- a few at a time, spread out over time.


5 Embarrassing Secrets Hiding In Trump's Cabinet

This is information America needs to hear. You're welcome.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/31/17)

The weekly news cycle is like a Shia LaBeouf performance piece.


5 Huge Problems Nobody Told You About American Healthcare

The causes of our terrible health care system are pretty obvious, but for some reason, nobody has figured out how to make them go away.


The 4 Worst Reactions To The Women's March

There are a few things the people who protest protests from their Facebooks don't realize.


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/24/17)

No reasonable person can stay sane keeping up with every headline, which is why we're doing it for you.


The Creepy Religion That Explains All Of Trump's Actions

When it comes to the basics of Christianity, Trump could really do with a refresher course.


6 Honest Assessments About The Chance Of World War 3

Is Trump going to start World War III?


Trump News: What You Read On Social Media Vs. The Truth

We've collected and summarized all the news you should know, so you can stay informed and have more time to think of better 'golden shower' puns.