Cracked Archive - News

You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family

Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?


The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?

Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.


The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)

We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.


Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot

Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.


What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)

Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.


Who Chose Lena Dunham To Represent Millennial Women?

Every time Lena Dunham makes a mistake, the world collectively turns to all Millennial women and says, 'Well, what do you have to say for her?'


Somehow 'Plantation Weddings' Are Still A Thing

There is apparently some confusion about the difference between remembering the past and celebrating it.


The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/17

With so many news sources shouting for your attention, it's hard to figure out what's truly important.


The Rock Has Terrible Taste In Films (But We Still Love Him)

Dwayne Johnson is the B-movie action here we need today.


Who Is The Culprit Behind The Sephora Eyeshadow Caper?

Apparently, there was a trail of little glittery footprints in the wake of the eyeshadow attack.


Set Your Ovens To 420: There's A Cheetos Turkey Recipe

The jig is up: Reynolds knows we're all going to be absolutely baked this Thanksgiving.


Justice League Proves DC Learned Nothing From Suicide Squad

I would rather see Zack Snyder's 'Justice League' than whatever Frankenstein monster the stitched-together Zack Snyder / Joss Whedon 'Justice League' has turned out to be.


Designer Pasta Means Rich People Have Run Out Of Ideas

I don't understand how you can make dried pasta gourmet.


The ACLU Should Use Truck Nuts As A Free Speech Precedent

I'm not some kind of fancy city lawyer, but if you can apply this law to a bumper sticker, what of truck nuts?


We Fantasy Cast The New Mario Bros, You're Welcome, Nintendo

We feel that we can do Mario justice.