Cracked Archive - News

You Can Buy Christmas MAGA Hats To Alienate Your Family

Do you want to alienate your friends and family, while taking a bold pro-Christmas stance that literally nobody opposes?

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The Plaza Hotel Offers A Home Alone 2 Experience... Finally?

Good news, everyone! The Plaza Hotel in New York has heard your vehement, rabid, horny calls for a 'Home Alone 2'-inspired getaway.

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The 6 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/21/17)

We’ve got your dinner conversation covered.

251

Bus Interrupts Cameraman's Once In A Lifetime Shot

Let us have a moment of silence for the poor Weather Channel cameraman whose soul was crushed by this bus.

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What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/26/2017)

Jim Bakker would like you to buy his $60 bucket of pancake mix, which he claims can help protect you from damnation.

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Who Chose Lena Dunham To Represent Millennial Women?

Every time Lena Dunham makes a mistake, the world collectively turns to all Millennial women and says, 'Well, what do you have to say for her?'

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Somehow 'Plantation Weddings' Are Still A Thing

There is apparently some confusion about the difference between remembering the past and celebrating it.

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The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/17

With so many news sources shouting for your attention, it's hard to figure out what's truly important.

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The Rock Has Terrible Taste In Films (But We Still Love Him)

Dwayne Johnson is the B-movie action here we need today.

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Who Is The Culprit Behind The Sephora Eyeshadow Caper?

Apparently, there was a trail of little glittery footprints in the wake of the eyeshadow attack.

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Set Your Ovens To 420: There's A Cheetos Turkey Recipe

The jig is up: Reynolds knows we're all going to be absolutely baked this Thanksgiving.

13

Justice League Proves DC Learned Nothing From Suicide Squad

I would rather see Zack Snyder's 'Justice League' than whatever Frankenstein monster the stitched-together Zack Snyder / Joss Whedon 'Justice League' has turned out to be.

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Designer Pasta Means Rich People Have Run Out Of Ideas

I don't understand how you can make dried pasta gourmet.

14

The ACLU Should Use Truck Nuts As A Free Speech Precedent

I'm not some kind of fancy city lawyer, but if you can apply this law to a bumper sticker, what of truck nuts?

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We Fantasy Cast The New Mario Bros, You're Welcome, Nintendo

We feel that we can do Mario justice.

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