Cracked Archive - News

Broke Rat-Man Chuck E. Cheese Seeks To Destroy 7 Billion Prize Tickets

That's almost enough for one large stuffed animal!


Taco Bell Now Sells 'Jalapeño Noir' Wine Because Reality Is Melting

There's so much to taco 'bout here, folks.


In 2020, Everybody Working From Home Is 'BBC Dad'

There are two kinds of people in the world --- those who have had a Robert Kelly moment since working remotely, and liars.


The Internet's Current Obsession: Dumb Reasons For Getting Dumped

Jerry Seinfeld walked, so we could run ... out of these questionable relationships.


4 Stages Every Ad Went Through In 2020

The playbook on how to make commercials has gone completely insane.


Most Badass Monkey Fighters In Japan Are Three Elderly Women

The 'Monkey Busters,' as the women call themselves, are ready.


Somehow We Still Don't Know Who 'The LAX Jetpack Person' Is

Blink twice if it’s aliens, the FBI.


White College Professor Caught Pretending To Be Black. (Again.)

We've got Rachel Dolezal 2.0. Please don't give us a 3.0.


Right When Most Needed, Taco Bell's Removing Menu Items

RIP Mexican Pizza. You will be missed.


5 Ways Dumb Conspiracies Suck In Normal People

If you're going to get people's attention, you need to lean into the stupid.


Trump Is Now Encouraging Supporters To Test Voter Fraud By Voting Twice

It's a weird message coming from the guy who supposedly hates voter fraud.


So Amazon's Looking To Hire A Union Buster Now?

Requires a B.A. in Snitching or equivalent degree.


Is The New York Times' Reporter's Book Trash Journalism?

The 'New York Times' is probably still trash.


It's Not Just The Mail; The Census Seems To Be Getting Buried Too

This isn't just a survey for data geeks. Census data determines money in your pocket.


The (Dumb) Connection Between The Fyre Festival And The Election

Sometimes, discussing modern politics can sound like you're having a very specific seizure.