Cracked Archive - News

To Encourage Folks to Bone, Trojan Released a ... Cookbook?

It’s like a horror movie in which you’ve been kidnapped and forced to do nothing but bake and bang.


Hey, Starbucks, We Branded Your New Drink For You

Starbuck's rampant promotion of new drinks around any type event is so exploitative and transparent that it has become amusing.


That New Hillary Clinton Alternate Reality Novel Sucks

It's like if the DNC wrote 'The Butterfly Effect.'


The List Of Big Companies Getting Clobbered During This Keeps Growing

Just because a business is non-essential doesn't mean it didn't matter.


Important (Or Hilarious) News Stories That Got Buried

It's pretty easy to completely miss important stuff, right now.


Trump Taking Poison Is Like Shakespeare Gone Bad

This is the type of story our grandkids won't believe the same way we don't believe Paul Bunyan was real.


Incel-Motivated Murder Is Now Officially Terrorism

It's time to call a spade a spade.


'Rodham' Book Takes Us Where Nobody Wants To Go

It's generally a bad idea to write a sexy story about someone who could read it.


The Virus Can Do A Lot More Than Kill You

It might seem obvious, but that doesn't mean the message has really sunk in.


Stranded Cruise Ship Employees Are Living In A Horror Movie

The ships look like American Horror Story sets and nobody can get home.


Current Impolite Behaviors That Need To Go

There are only 10, that's easy enough to remember.


Heads Up, The Head Of The CDC Is Also A Giant Jerk

Robert Redfield is the latest guy screw up in an administration full of them.


Bizarre Tactics Governments Are Trying Right Now

These are less outside-the-box and more jack-in-the-box.


The Dutch Government Is Telling Single People To Get Sex-Buddies

Finally single people are free to get their freak on.