When I say 'scandal,' I'm not just talking about personal screw-ups, but all the sensational news that we read only because it sounds like something out of a suspense novel or movie, and are prepared to criticize in the same way as we would criticize a poor fictional storyline.
We aren't trying to sway people's thinking one way or the other. But seriously, let's stop to think things through.
Greetings, graduating classes of 2011! Congratulations on accomplishing all you have accomplished to get here, and pre-congratulations on all the accomplishments you will surely accomplish in your accomplishful futures.
What we need to start doing with terrorists, like we do to any troll (and that's what they are, murderous trolls) is to start embarrassing them.
You screwed me. Not in a literal sense, though I suppose your omnipresence raises interesting questions about our shared levels of intimacy but that's outside the point.
But not too much. Or too little.
There are a lot of pretty obviously fake stories the supposedly hard-boiled internet will just swallow as easily as your grandma will fall for that 'poor man from Nigeria that needs someone to help him get his money.' Stories like:
People give Christmas a lot of heat for forgetting what the holiday REALLY is all about. But when it comes to forgetting stuff, no holiday can match up with Saint Patrick's Day.
The voices, the suggestions, the ideas- they were all blending together in one giant pile of razor-focused, totally sober comedy brilliance. I'd completely lost track of who was saying what or if I was just pulling some of the suggestions from my own nightmares.
Silvio Berlusconi basically Scrooge McDuck but wears pants less often. He's spent nine years running Italy like a frat house on double-secret probation.
Since 2006, an all-out drug war has swept across Mexico. Tourists won't visit Baja anymore, ex-pats won't search for a cultural identity in remote mountain villages, and an unprecedented number of college co-eds refuse to make bad decisions in border towns. Frankly, it's gotten a little out of hand.