Delete Your Account, Elon Musk

Billionaire Elon Musk has certainly had a time of it recently. Not only has he been accused of anti-union activity, but an investigation by Reveal, well, revealed that his company Tesla manipulated worker injury data to make its safety record look good -- an investigation bolstered by complaints from his workforce that they're underpaid and overstressed. Musk, for his part, hasn't made things any easier by choosing to respond to these allegations by being hyper-sensitive and whiny on Twitter (while simultaneously inexplicably going to bat for a sex cult).

This past weekend, Musk managed to scale new dumb heights by baselessly calling Vern Unsworth, one of the main people behind the rescue of the Wild Boars soccer team in Thailand, a "pedo." Unsworth's crime? He called Musk's wee submarine, which Musk tried to force onto the rescue team in the mistaken belief that he knows more about cave diving than actual cave divers, a "PR stunt [that] had absolutely no chance of working."

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It's easy to jump to conclusions and think that Musk was being a big baby over some mild criticism, but he had proof! Unsworth, it turns out, uh, was a white guy living in Thailand. Therefore (in Musk's brain), he was almost certainly a child molester.

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This is such a gobsmacking take that we don't know where to start. Does Musk think that all white guys living in Thailand are pedophiles? Has he ever heard of the word "libel"? We don't know about the first one, but he better start learning about the latter, because Unsworth is now considering suing him over the tweets -- which is 100 percent going to happen after Musk's demented fanbase decides to go all Pizzagate on him, despite the fact that Musk would grind everyone currently stanning his mentions into a fine paste if it provided him with a new revenue stream.

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Elon, we know you're reading this, because obsessively searching your name is your thing, so listen up. Just stop, man. Bringing solar power to hurricane-ravaged Puerto Rico was a good idea, and -- while it was a little wanky -- we thought that the shooting-a-car-into-space-because-reasons thing was also rad as balls. Can you go back to doing stuff like that? Do you have something coming out soon that you need to promote? You know, except for all those cars you still owe people?

We're just concerned. It's not a good look for a billionaire to be calling people names on Twitter (a sentiment that we certainly share with your shareholders). It certainly doesn't demonstrate your business acumen. You're doing this for free while Donald Trump is out there getting paid $400,000 a year.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

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