15 Songs That Don't Mean What You Think

A lot of people never stop dancing long enough to really listen to a song, or its meaning is intentionally obscured because it’s too much of a downer to make you boogie.

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15 new joke additions to the Comedy Hall Of Fame, just in time for you to poorly repeat at a pool party with your friends. Become the funniest guy in the shallow end with these 15 grand slam jokes.

Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld

Netflix

“If I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’”

Sam’s famous “Go where the food is” bit where he solves the problem of world hunger in one short screaming match. The U-Hauls are on their way, Sam.

Eddie Izzard

“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.'”

A second helpful line could have been “Do not go see Grown Ups 2, you can’t get that time back.”

Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik

Netflix

“This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That’s it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.” 

Bo Burnham

Bo’s parody country song “Pandering” on his special Make Happy. The song lampoons “Keith Urban’s” style of stadium country music, with such features as jeans, trucks and a sexy scarecrow.

Aziz Ansari

Aziz Ansari’s former stand-up alter ego Randy, closing out his special Intimate Moments For a Sensual Evening. The character was created for Judd Apatow’s movie Funny People but Ansari liked the character so much he just kept doing it.

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