15 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
Some comedians tell good jokes, some comedians tell great jokes, and some comedians tell the BEST jokes possible. These are those comedians, and these are those jokes. Here are 15 more jokes that hang in storied halls of the Comedy Hall of Fame.
“I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of 16-year-old boy. They're both in my car and I want you to see them.”
No, this joke wasn't in Full House.
A classic from a classic.
*moves microphone to the side*
“Let me move that so you can see me.”
Flight of the Conchords
*On worrying about the future*
Brett: “I worry about it for my children, and my children’s children, and my children’s children’s children.”
Jemaine: "I actually think you’re children are to young to be having children. And when it come’s to your children’s children’s children, when does it stop. How small are they gonna get.”
The Flight of the Conchords HBO hour special changed my DNA.
“I only look for one thing in guys; they just have to have a sense of humor…about their enormous c**k.”
Now imagine Louise from Bob's Burgers saying it.
The Moth Joke. The less explanation the better on this gem from Norm on Conan. See you in 20 minutes.
“I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience."
There is an entire Mitch Hedberg wing in the Comedy Hall of Fame.
“I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”
If I had an astrology mood watch I'd start playing the lotto a lot more.
"The government's, like, 'Oh yeah, you can come to the United States, but you've got to go to Alabama.' It's kind of like a girl going, 'Yeah, you can see me naked, but you can only look at my left elbow. And my left elbow is racist.'
Remember when Aziz was just the fun little bouncy guy instead of the fun little introspective guy.
Now this is just untrue. Especially in her later years.
“I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life. Peeping Toms look at my window and pull down the shade. My gynecologist examines me by telephone.”
Remember this, and hope Harvey returns to the circuit.
“You saw Titanic. The band was playing as the ship went down. What Black band you know gonna keep playing with the damn ship goin’ down? Kool and the Gang would have been unplugging s**t. “Man, let’s get the f**k out of here.”
“The internet is making people f******g stupid. Like who knew all of human knowledge could make people dumber.”
Everyone except for you. :)
Somethings fishy here…
“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for a year. I’m not sure about you, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.”
This visual gets me every time.
“I’m a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.”
At Mel Brooks’ AFI tribute:
“I’ll give you an idea of how Jewish Mel Brooks is: That’s a nose job.”
It takes a true friend to be this kind on your big night.
Is he stupid, or brave?
"I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant…because I believe in myself."
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Top Image: NBC