There’s a science to stand-up comedy, but the people who master it are anything but scientists.

They can get silly, and they can get deep, but they all have one thing in common… The funny. The Gold. The top notch jokes that are worthy of Comedy’s Hall of Fame.

Chelsea Handler

I mean, you don’t want 4 toaster ovens.

"I don't like these brides, and they go and register for their own gifts. Who decided it was OK to pick out your own gifts? And then they act surprised when they get the gift and write you a thank-you letter like, 'Oh my God, thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. How did you know? It's like, b*tch, you picked it out, that's how I knew, OK? I typed in your name and a ceiling fan came up."

Jimmy O. Yang

Conaco

Thanks for just being you, Jimmy.

Representation matters, man. A lot of Asian people come up to me, very proud, very nice. They’re like, Jimmy, thank you for represent the Asians, man. I’m like, eh, you’re welcome. But you do understand, it’s not really a choice, right? Like, when you wake up Asian, you can only represent Asians. I couldn’t just wake up one day and be like, f*ck it, I’m representing Nigerians today.”

Norm Macdonald

Norm Macdonald

Warner Media

He couldn’t have just made Norm cluck like a chicken?

“I went to a hypnotist. He put me under a spell, and every time I had a craving for a cigarette, I would throw up. It’s very embarrassing right after sex. I find it pretty hard to get that second date after that. Girls get all snobby after you barf on them.”

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