These comedians are comedians’ comedians, so if you (for some insane reason) were looking for the painfully unfunny, look elsewhere.

Today we induct another set of classic jokes into The Hall of Fame.

Margaret Cho

Some significant others just don’t hold up their end of the bargain.

“The last guy I went out with, he was just so -- I don't know -- hopeless. He said if I broke up with him that he would kill himself. And I broke up with him, but he's not dead yet. I want to call him up and be like, 'You know, what's the deal? I thought we had an agreement.’”

Norm Macdonald

Norm Macdonald

Warner Media

This is cup half-empty and half-full at the same time.

“I don’t do much. I’m too lazy. That’s my problem. Hang around my couch, watching the TV. Just too lazy. I realized this the other day, I get hit my a truck tomorrow - a big truck could hit me - paralyze me from the neck down. Wouldn’t affect my lifestyle a bit really.”

Neil Brennan

Kyle… You’re gonna need to rethink your proposal.

“If they called student loans small business loans, no 18-year-old kid would ever get the loan. It’s a bad idea for a business. If you had to go to the bank, to the small business desk, and ask, “I’m gonna need $150,000.” They’d be, like, “What’s your business idea?” “Here’s the idea: For the next four years,” I’m going to get black-out drunk. But also… “I’m gonna get a degree in Sociology.”

They’d be, like, “Get the fuck out of our bank.” You’re, like, “I will, but I did have a way to pay you guys back.” I was gonna give you $80 a month for the next 240 years.”

Janeane Garofalo

Janeane Garofalo

Geoff Carter/Wikimedia Commons

They thought they got away with some gold.

“I got mugged. And they got my knapsack with my comedy notebook in it. So if anybody see two dudes bombing at the Funny Bone chain, that would be them. Just give me a jingle.”

For exclusive ComedyNerd content, subscribe to our fancy newsletter:

Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter

Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!

Top Image: Comedy Central


Forgot Password?