CRACKED ROUND-UP: Movember Edition
Rather than do the traditional Movember thing, all Cracked employees have been ordered to save our facial hair shavings. At the end of the month, we'll take the whole pile and hire a voodoo warlock to turn it into a deadly hair golum, and then we won't ever have to stand in line at the Dunkin' Donuts again.
Soren explored the world of fashionable suits for everything from business to bear fighting. Bucholz followed up with a leaked chapter from what we sincerely hope is the next Harry Potter book. Brockway used Fallout: New Vegas to delve deep into his terrifying psyche while Seanbaby gave a devastatingly accurate portrayal of grade school gaming. Dan O'Brien tore apart the new Green Lantern movie trailer and found a steaming pile of plagiarism.
|5 Minor Screw-ups That Created The Modern World
Be sure to print a copy of this article out and carry it around at all times. You know, in case of surprise time travel.
Notable Comment: "much like that reflective vagina i cant keep my face out of... regular white vaginas just dont cut it"
We're fairly sure this post is enough to qualify ballrags as a sex offender in at least three or four states.
|7 Superpowered Animal Senses You Won't Believe Are Possible
Everyone who has ever lived in a dorm is glad our sense of smell is as crappy as it is.
Notable Comment:"Hammerheads are the coolest sharks in the ocean. If you disagree, it is because you are wrong."CelestialLemur gives Cracked.com's Official Stance on the towering Shark Question.
|The 5 Most Easily Avoidable Movie Deaths
We're betting these are all the products of harried screenwriters trying to deal with a hangover.
Notable Comment:"notice how two of the characters (darth maul, toad) were played by Ray Park..coincidence or conspiracy?"
Queue the X-Files music, MoxNix. We want to believe..
|6 Eerily Specific Inventions Predicted in Science Fiction
Is it likely that Jules Verne conspired with the US government to plant the seeds of the (faked) Apollo Landings in the public consciousness? Yes.
Notable Comment: "Good list, but Heinlein deserved some more love. Heinlein invented the Roomba ('The Door Into Summer'), dozens of modern computer functions including Blogs and PDFs ('The Moon is a Harsh Mistress'), friggin' Waterbeds ('Stranger in a Strange Land'); seriously, the man may be a time traveler. "
He also predicted Space Marines, susannymn. Give the army time and a few trillion more tax dollars.
|5 Real MacGyvers Who Won Battles With Improvised Weapons
There's no reason to not be creative with your war-making.
Notable Comment: "I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but the last pic in the snake catapult section is of a Corn Snake, which isn't venemous or dangerous in the least bit. As much as I love this site, I hate my first comment is a douchy one."
MathewKay has no way of knowing that we didn't coat that corn snake's mouth with a cornucopia of deadly poisons after using decades of careful breeding and innoculation to produce an immunoresistant breed.
Agents of Cracked
|Bad Idea: Hanging With Work Friends Outside the Office
Paint huffing is a rich, mind-expanding hobby.
YOU YOU YOU!
|17 Apocalypses We'll Never See Coming
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, More Invasive Security Measures from the TSA
"No longer satisfied with being neutral, the Swiss army answers the call to arms."
SIn Wisconsin we call this "Tuesday"
Oh, sure, here it's "educational", but when I do this it's a felony.
Let the record show that the goat was resisting.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute... I think I see the problem. We're drunk."
"Hey, I can still see I'm homeless from up here!"
Human trafficking would be so much easier if postage weren't so expensive.
I shred a lot of my junk mail, but it usually doesn't scream
"Hell yeah I peed in the water. Did you see the key to the bathroom?"
"Sometimes people ask me where I'm dragging this 'Key,' and I say 'West.' It gets a laugh about 20 percent of the time."
She'll never be as good as her brother though. He can balance five plates at a time.
We are just one sneeze away from a brutal fatality.
With no woman willing to have sex with him, King Midas felt no choice but to take his urges to the farm.
And then I saw her. Between the bull's leg and testicle, our eyes locked, and it was love at first sight.