MODERN MEDICINE HATES YOU!
The 6 Most Unsettling Medication Side Effects
That's right, folks, the cure for acne is herpes. Happy to help.
Notable Comment: Que? says "Um. That Requip jimmy legs bit was on The Daily Show last night. Unless the star of a major TV show ripped off an unknown writer on a sorta known Website. Jesus Christ, the Cracked and Daily Show demographics are pretty much conjoined twins...did no one think someone would notice? What the fuck Ian whateveryournameis, I think plagiarizing in the writing world is the equivalent of steroids in cycling. Cheating. Looks like this is you first contribution to Cracked.com. Can we hope there will be no more?" You've got us, Que?, you found our secret. We wait for The Daily Show to come on at 11:00pm, and then we steal all of its ideas and write an entire article around it by the next morning. We've been doing this for years and you, master detective that you are, finally caught us. Guess we'll just shut down this whole Website now that our secret's out. Damn. Everything was going along so smoothly, too.
Also, the author's last name is "Fortey." It's right there in the byline, right after his first name.
MODERN INSECTS HATE YOU!
The 5 Most Horrifying Bugs in the World
We'd recommend staying indoors to avoid these insects, but of course that would be pointless. Giant Hornets can drill straight through the side of your house, Bullet Ants know how to open doors and Bot Flies have probably already laced your pancakes with their eggs. Your options now are pretty much a) sit around and wait for death or b) walk around (while waiting for death).
Shenanigoat says "I had a bot fly larva embedded in my forehead for a few weeks...wasn't that bad...the other bugs are much scarier." Wasn't that bad? Wasn't that bad!?! Look, it's pretty clear what's going on here: the Bot Fly has completely taken over an innocent person's brain and is using its host to post pro-bot-fly propaganda in the comments section of highly influential Websites. Be warned, readers. Shenanigoat is just an unknowing vessel with a terrifying, brilliant bot fly at the wheel. Proceed with caution.
The Internet Party: What Happens When Google's Parents Leave for the Weekend?
The folks over at Those Aren't Muskets! give us an inside look at a party that's even lamer than the Cracked office Christmas party.
The News on Cracked
While most other news sources are wasting your time talking about a presidential election that won't even happen for, like, a whole year, Lex Friedman has been reporting the news you want to hear. Like this story about Mormon underpants. Also, just when you thought the world was completely out of questions, Kirk Filch slaps you right in the face with a buttload of tough ones. And, of course, we have the Week in Douchebaggery. CNN might give you more reliable news, but their Week in Douchebaggery segment just doesn't compare.
Yeah, I thought Cloverfield was a big letdown too.
Initially crippled with fear, the bystanders watched in disgust as the monster paused in mid-rampage to auto-fellate.
When you lock your keys inside your apartment your quadriplegic friend isn't always the best one to call for a boost through the window.
"99...100.. READY OR NOT HERE I COME!"
Bobby waited in earnest for his feeding but his mother was about to lay him flat with the truth: He was adopted.
Editor's pick (tie):
This picture came from a collection taken by Terrance and Lucy Hitchcock when they took their son Alfred on vacation... he was never the same since.
"Forest friends! ASSEMBLE!"
"And how much if I want those two at the same time?"
In Soviet Russia, you pay tooth fairy!
"So what did you do with your anthropology degree?"
"Man, what DIDN'T I do with my anthropology degree..."
By the time he realized that it was a marriage ceremony, it was too late.
"Pfft, no way man, you meeting Anthony Hopkins is about as likely as someone masturbating on a unicycle...."
"Mum? I'm in the park. Say, could you check Craigslist for me? 'Cause there is a middle-aged white guy here and he is circling me on an unicycle, but he isn't juggling. It did say he would be flashing me, riding an unicycle and juggling, right? "
"I find the easiest way to check the gender is just to flip 'em over like this. You'll wanna hold 'em with both hands so they don't kick you."
Joe would do anything to take attention away from his David Hasselhoff tanktop.
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