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5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

By David Wong, TE Sloth
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We found out recently that if you try to leave a little kid in a graveyard late at night, he'll freak out. Even if you offer to leave him a gun to protect himself. Why? It's because on some instinctual level, all humans know it's just a matter of time until the zombies show up.

Our culture is full of tales of the undead walking the Earth, from our religions to our comic books. But, some sort of zombie apocalypse isn't actually possible, right?

Right?

Guys?

Actually, yes. It's quite possible. Here's five ways it could happen, according to science.

#5.
Brain Parasites

As seen in ...
Resident Evil IV

What are they?
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.

Of course, those are just rats, right?

How it can result in zombies:
Hey, did we mention that half the human population on Earth is infected with toxoplasmosa, and don't know it? Hey, maybe you're one of them. Flip a coin.

Oh, also, they've done studies and shown that the infected see a change in their personality and have a higher chance of going batshit insane.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:
Humans and rats aren't all that different; thats why they use them to test our drugs. All it takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa, one that could to do us what it does to the rats. So, imagine if half the world suddenly had no instinct for self-preservation or rational thought. Even less than they do now, we mean.

If you're comforting yourself with the thought that it may take forever for such a parasite to evolve, you're forgetting about all the biological weapons programs around the world, intentionally weaponizing such bugs. You've got to wonder if the lab workers don't carry out their work under the unwitting command of the toxoplasmosa gondii already in their brains. If you don't want to sleep at night, that is.

You may be protesting that technically these people have never been dead and thus don't fit the dictionary definition of "zombies," but we can assure you that the distinction won't matter a whole lot once these groaning hordes are clawing their way through your windows.


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3434 Comments

what about Shaun of the Dead? weren't the zombies created by toxic waste or something like that? i bet that could happen.... zombies have now become a part of and the zombies in that were being used as cheap labour and game show participants, so you're riht about that aspect

Posted on 5/13/2008 11:54:26 AM

btw earthraep, don't you think (given the age of the series Star Trek Voyager compared to K. Eric Drexler's nanotech lectures) that nano-probes aren't copies of nanobots?

Posted on 5/13/2008 7:39:00 AM

...also, a serotonin inhibitor wouldn't be a rage chemical, but it would induce depression, paranoia, anger, and perhaps psychosis or hysteria. you'd be far more likely to throw yourself under the next bus than bite someones' throat out.

Posted on 5/13/2008 7:33:02 AM

hell, if super-health, fitness and a constant 'on drugs' feeling are the only symptoms of nano-infection, i'll be first in line. Prey was a good but strange book, though.

Posted on 5/13/2008 7:30:17 AM

dude! omg if that happens im going to live on a island in the pacific , y dont we just evacuate evryone to all the worlds islands? or nuke all the zombies?

Posted on 5/11/2008 8:01:03 PM

Nanobots are a copy of the Borg's nano-probes from star trek. They assimilated people with them, essientally turning them into mindless drones (also could be known as, zombies). Voyager's Doctor and Seven of Nine also used Seven's nano-probes, after reprogramming them, to bring Neelix back to life one time, and his body kept reverting back to the deceased stage or something. and rotting, but he wasn't a mindless zombie.

Posted on 5/11/2008 7:07:41 AM

I had to fight a horde of the undead trying to purchase a Tickle Me Elmo. The government apparently only releases the TMX virus around Christmas. Buyer Beware!!!

Posted on 5/9/2008 2:27:31 PM

all i have to say is Zombies fuck ya

Posted on 5/9/2008 10:44:10 AM

Best start on my zombie plan already, now if i can only find a suitable Grif candidate...hmmmm

Posted on 5/9/2008 8:42:59 AM

Every time I signed in __ Bigblackconnect.com __ and there were always many women would talk to me ... It is a funny and interesting place to talk to these thoughtful women.

Posted on 5/8/2008 7:20:58 AM

oh sh*t i think my brain is infected!! good thing i have DFT News to let me know about stoned dentists and nudist smoothie shops http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/2/dft-news-episode-2.html

Posted on 5/7/2008 11:01:13 AM

Did we forget the Cursed Sumatran Rat Monkey? ala Oscar winning Director Peter Jackon's "Dead Alive?" I'm putting gas in my lawnmower just in case!

Posted on 5/5/2008 3:47:47 PM

the fact simply about parasites reminds me of he book "peeps" you should really check it out, the parasite does alot of the same in it and plus nearly every other chapter the main character pretty much tells you all about a parasite thats real and whacked up as hell. but im serious, its a teen must-read.

Posted on 5/4/2008 2:16:51 AM

I wondered if they'd mention the book Prey. Good read, and the 'zombies' are still smart and all that so it's a pretty scarey thought. Not to mention that nanobots are a real possibility.

Posted on 4/29/2008 5:37:41 PM

Mad Cow is not a virus! Nor is it proven definitively to jump from cows to humans through consumption of an infected cow. But, Rabies, a Lyssavirus, causes many symptoms similar to the 'rage' virus. After first neurological symptoms comes excessive salivation and hydrophobia. Infected host is full of virus, not just in the saliva, but all bodily tissues and fluids, and this is thanks to its long incubation period before first symptoms. The body slowly fills with virus while the virus makes slow progress to the central nervous system. Then the host of course experiences night terrors, depression, mania, and rage. So, basically, you can't stop salivating, you can't swallow anything so its dripping everywhere, and you are really, really pissed and scared at everything. At this stage, the virus has successfully rewired a human's nervous system to do nothing but spread the virus to other animals. A true zombie-like disease. Also, there is only one reported case of a human surviving rabies infection with no vaccination before or after onset of symptoms. REALLY! An essentially, 100% fatality rate without vaccination before or within 28 days of suspected infection. After the onset of neurological symptoms, almost nothing medically can be done.

Posted on 4/27/2008 11:47:06 PM

what a great bedtime story

Posted on 4/27/2008 7:25:30 AM

Finally...validation for the jaw-dropping amount of time I've spent crafting my Zombie Attack Survival Guide. Where will you be when the apocolypse is upon us?!?!

Posted on 4/23/2008 11:59:02 AM

i don't like it. i hate violence. i don't understand why they don't sit dwon and enjoy the peaceful world. surf on internet, go shopping on ebay, make friends online like wealthykiss dotcom.

Posted on 4/23/2008 5:31:46 AM

That will help me sleep for the rest of my life.

Posted on 4/22/2008 12:33:47 PM

I've known for some time that there will be a zombies apocalypse. I'm glad there are people that don't think I'm crazy.

Posted on 4/22/2008 6:47:16 AM

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