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5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen

By David Wong, TE Sloth October 29, 2007 3,531,099 views
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We found out recently that if you try to leave a little kid in a graveyard late at night, he'll freak out. Even if you offer to leave him a gun to protect himself. Why? It's because on some instinctual level, all humans know it's just a matter of time until the zombies show up.

Our culture is full of tales of the undead walking the Earth, from our religions to our comic books. But, some sort of zombie apocalypse isn't actually possible, right?

Right?

Guys?

Actually, yes. It's quite possible. Here's five ways it could happen, according to science.

#5.
Brain Parasites

As seen in ...
Resident Evil IV

What are they?
Parasites that turn victims into mindless, zombie-like slaves are fairly common in nature. There's one called toxoplasmosa gondii that seems to devote its entire existence to being terrifying.

This bug infects rats, but can only breed inside the intestines of a cat. The parasite knows it needs to get the rat inside the cat (yes, we realize this sounds like the beginning of the most fucked-up Dr. Seuss poem ever) so the parasite takes over the rat's freaking brain, and intentionally makes it scurry toward where the cats hang out. The rat is being programmed to get itself eaten, and it doesn't even know.

Of course, those are just rats, right?

How it can result in zombies:
Hey, did we mention that half the human population on Earth is infected with toxoplasmosa, and don't know it? Hey, maybe you're one of them. Flip a coin.

Oh, also, they've done studies and shown that the infected see a change in their personality and have a higher chance of going batshit insane.

Chances this could cause a zombie apocalypse:
Humans and rats aren't all that different; thats why they use them to test our drugs. All it takes is a more evolved version of toxoplasmosa, one that could to do us what it does to the rats. So, imagine if half the world suddenly had no instinct for self-preservation or rational thought. Even less than they do now, we mean.

If you're comforting yourself with the thought that it may take forever for such a parasite to evolve, you're forgetting about all the biological weapons programs around the world, intentionally weaponizing such bugs. You've got to wonder if the lab workers don't carry out their work under the unwitting command of the toxoplasmosa gondii already in their brains. If you don't want to sleep at night, that is.

You may be protesting that technically these people have never been dead and thus don't fit the dictionary definition of "zombies," but we can assure you that the distinction won't matter a whole lot once these groaning hordes are clawing their way through your windows.

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3657 Comments

ive always wondered why in zombie movies the people just dont hid behind a door you have to pull to open. no zomvie is ever going to stop and pull open a door.

7/1/2009 9:48:57 PM
DEspot

Man, Cracked you let me down. I thought you would have atleast one probable scenario. but instead you cited a fiction science page.

6/26/2009 9:54:15 PM
Millroots

Zombies are overrated.

6/23/2009 8:16:42 PM
brutaltitfight

i cant wait till the DAY WHEN IM IN THE ARMY AND I GO ON A MISSION AND A GET A BRIFE THAT SAYS KILL THOSE MOTHER FU=CKING ZOMBIES OH THAT WILL BE THE DAY

6/20/2009 3:03:00 PM
chriz

WAIT zombies kill humans so what will the zombies do when we all die out mabe they will get board to death that will show them

6/20/2009 2:59:53 PM
chriz

the safeiest place to go incanse of a zombie attack is the neariest millatry base the goverment will proably be useing hellacopters to transport people howeverthe the govermentis p***y if you are left alone baracade your house fine guns oce u have guns find food and when ever there are no zombies serch for sevivers

3 best wepones to use on a zombie
1 shot gun/rifel(best afective in the head)
2 MG16(rapid fire can will mutiple zombies)
3 flamethrower(dude its just plian awsome)

6/20/2009 2:48:21 PM
chriz

Maybe I hate comedy websites or people lightly enjoying a comedy website without being interrupted by persnickety assholes nitpicking facts on a piece about zombies, or maybe I'm just a miserable human being, but I think the Mad Cow/Creutzfeldt–Jakob part is a little over-kill.

Statistics from the CDC say that only 1 in one million people are infected each year with Creutzfeldt–Jakob's disease. Not really that much of a risk in my opinion.

However, from 1996 to 2004 only 139 people in the world have died from an odd VARIATION of Creutzfeldt–Jakob's disease that is called Mad Cow when it infects cows.

As far as we know the disease does not cross species barriers and cows cannot even catch it from other cows.

And there is no evidence that humans can get it from eating Mad Cow beef.

{I'm skeptical of your reference as it comes from an environmental group, the type of people who instigate environmental hysteria about things like global warming and nuclear energy, not exactly a group that works with infectious diseases, or science for that matter.}

6/19/2009 12:44:07 PM
Mahawk

The Happening blew dick. Biggest waste of $9 I ever spent at a theater.

6/13/2009 11:21:31 PM
Dj_Wafflz

oh.ps the safest place to be is a graveyard i know zombies can pop out but if your religest or looking to go on a killing spree go there but people always say its actuly good to stay in a graveyard becuase they are good spirits yah tell me that when your getting your head ripped off and how would a zombie react like what would it do would it eat other zombies or attack people or would it not attack and how would it live if it doesnt have a brain or heart an if the zombies organs dont work how does it live? so people who are scared there is only a 1/4 chance so dont be that worried thats only 25% so that means 75% it wont and i believe its possible and i would be some one who would get a sniper rifle lock my doors go to my room get out my window wre there is a cool balcony on the fron tof the house and when i run out of bullets i would go to my naibors becuase they have a big fence(sorry about spelling im only 13 but im smart and im athiest XD)

6/12/2009 12:28:42 PM
pinkhaloassasin

aaahhhh look the usa is already turning stupide(jk) when the zombie comes the goverment wont give a crap they will let us become zombies and use us ust for a cure just so they can live longer XD

6/12/2009 12:10:29 PM
pinkhaloassasin

OMG! so cant wait for this! hehehe.

6/12/2009 9:04:35 AM
Devilinaround

I read the full article linked and this case sounds more like the movie "The Happening"..rather than a zombie apocalypse. For those who haven't seen the movie its about an unknown force causing people to become thoughtless and kill themselves. In the case of toxoplasma whatcha call it' it causes rats to want to be consumed by their prey and ultimately die in order for the virus to thrive...this may be the lack of sleep talking...but what if those infected (if the parasite somehow evolves to affect humans in such a way) start feeding ourselves to a pack of lions? ..(also in the movie)..or find some other way to be eaten by animals to spread this thing...this probably sounds just as crazy as most of these comments but I couldn't help but notice the similarities....

6/11/2009 10:41:19 PM
shanfran

Insanely anti-climactic. I was really enjoying this up until it pretty much became a conspiracy website talking about how RFID chips are mind control.

6/7/2009 3:25:44 AM
b5200

Dang i believe this, it sucks for the people who are about 13 or born right now. i mean, if it happens in the next 20-40 years or so.

6/7/2009 12:57:24 AM
Arc

@missykitty8

Exactly. Watch the movie "Quarantine."

Eff that.

6/2/2009 2:24:37 PM
zachwoomer

Don't use the word scientific. This is pseudo-science at best.

5/30/2009 10:25:32 PM
findingemo

It's a silicon chip. Not a silicone chip. Silicone is used for implants.

5/30/2009 9:52:51 AM
microdude

I want the zombies to happen.

5/28/2009 2:19:41 PM
Canadia

what about rabies? the thinning ozone layer means viruses are exposed to more radiation.. causing them to mutate.
rabies can cause you to become extremely aggressive. you don't remember who you are, or anyone else. all you know is the pain & the rage. you froth at the mouth (spread through saliva) & it is spread through biting.
someone w/ rabies may not be undead, but they sure act like the undead. stumbling around, brainless, attacking & spreading disease through bites.
if the rabies virus mutates, our vaccine won't work anymore.. & we're FUCKED.

5/28/2009 7:55:28 AM
missykitty8

i dont think so zombies is just a folk tale if there is have zombies there is now extinction!!!!!!!!!!

5/28/2009 4:20:48 AM
gadwin251

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