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We're going to take a stand here: We're in favor of medicine. Modern medicine ranks with internet porn and the George Foreman grill as one of the greatest achievements of mankind. But there are drawbacks in the form of side effects, some of which are far more off-putting than the inability to operate heavy machinery. Most of them only happen to an infinitesimally small group of people, but they can still happen. Behold, six side effects that would suck for anyone unlucky enough to experience them, while being indisputably awesome for any onlooker with a video camera and a YouTube account. Alli
Side effects may include ...
Of course, that's not all. Prominently displayed on their list of treatment effects are also "loose stools" and "more frequent stools that may be hard to control." Again, this should not be that alarming as these events are quite humorous when portrayed in the realm of slapstick comedy.
Alli, purveyors of hilarity that they are, go on to describe in gut busting detail just what to expect from your twitching, out-of-control rectum, including this gem: "You may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza." Recognize what? The slurry that leaked out of your ass and into your khakis, that's what.
Should you worry?
The Alli people, ever the optimists, imply this is all part of the plan: "In fact, anecdotally, many users have told us that treatment effects served as a signal that helped them adopt healthier eating patterns." As in, people start limiting their fat intake out of fear of uncontrollable pooping in the middle of, say, giving a eulogy at a loved one's funeral. Requip
Side effects may include ...
We totally did not make that up. If you take Requip, you might turn into James Bond in Casino Royale.
Now, to the few of you who still have not left your computers to go get Requip prescriptions, it's probably wise to consider the warning against increased sexual "behaviors." Not just urges. It's not enough that in your quest to have stationary legs you'll get oddly horny, but apparently you could find yourself actually doing things. Sexual things. Against your will. As a bonus, you may also start betting on the likelihood on whether or not you'll be arrested for these various sexual endeavors. Not to be forgotten, however, are the visual, aural and tactile hallucinations that Requip can potentially cause. Factor in your new horny behavior and it's entirely possibly you'll find yourself on a bus humping a seat and think you're in New Jersey banging Aunt Gladys against your will with 50 bucks riding on whether you'll be done before Uncle Paul gets home. It could get complicated.
Should you worry?
Propecia
Thankfully, science stumbled upon an answer in Propecia, a drug invented to treat prostate problems that messes with the testosterone in your body enough to help you hang on to your hair. What could possibly go wrong?
Side effects may include ...
There's got to be a Rob Schneider movie in here somewhere.
Should you worry?
Still, the odds on the man-boob thing are extremely small, which probably doesn't make the few lactating bald dudes out there feel any better. What will make them feel better is knowing that the effects are reversible and the man-boobs go away when you stop taking it. Of course, the luxuriant head of hair you grew goes away, too. |
Hey Ian what bunch of crap. Do something called research before you start to mislead people. Did your mother drop you?
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The X-Men without the shitty one liners.
Come on, some were trying to be funny!
Finally, some honesty.
Children are stupid. Let's laugh at them.
As long as Batman stays home, Robin's all yours.
Musicians are even dumber than you thought.
Not quite as useful as "look both ways."
When awful names happen to good bands. And bad ones.
The 4th of July. "Independence Day." "The Big Easy." The day the entire planet gets together to put aside our differences and bond over our common love of fireworks and professional baseball. It's ...
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