Jesus Fixes The 'South Park' Canon With A Christmas Miracle
In tonight’s South Park Season 27/28 finale, “The Crap Out,” Jesus Christ repented for his hard-right heel-turn by correcting Randy Marsh’s seven-year-old mistake.
The 2025 South Park Christmas episode just tied up what might be a record number of loose ends. The Trump/Satan saga is now complete, the antichrist anticipation has dissipated and Christ has been born again as a non-douche. After P.C. (Power Christian) Principal literally beat Christian conservatism into the son of God in the episode “Twisted Christian,” South Park fans worried that Jesus’ storyline was becoming too depressing – but that was before they opened up his Christmas present.
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Tonight, more than seven years after Randy moved the Marsh family out of their long-time home to start Tegridy Farms, Stan finally got his old house back, and it’s all thanks to Jesus and his new, battered squeeze.
South Park Studios
In tonight's South Park season finale, after right-wing Jesus refused to entertain Stan's pleas for a Christmas miracle, Stan sided with Satan and the newly summoned (and finally fully canon) Woodland Critters against Jesus, Trump, J.D. Vance and Peter Thiel. In the climactic scene of the episode, shortly before we learned about the fate of Satan and Trump's butt baby, Stan delivered one of his classic moralizing monologues that swayed Jesus away from the sleeveless tees and callous brutality of conservative Christianity.
In return, Jesus decided to walk back his denial of Stan's prayers, and he returned the Marsh family home to its original glory, even down to the “Street Warrior” poster hanging in Stan's room.
Back in the August episode “Sickofancy,” Trey Parker and Matt Stone finally put the long-running Tegridy Farms arc to rest as Randy attempted a ketamine-fueled Hail Mary for his weed business that ended with him dooming Towelie to a level of “waterboarding” that the White House had never before seen. Since then, the Marshs have been staying at the retirement home with Stan's grandpa, and poor Billy spent the last few seasons at his absolute wit's end over the living conditions.
But, now, thanks to the messiah, the Marshs can go back to where they rightfully belong, at least for the time being. Who knows what the Colorado state government will legalize next.
