You might be tempted to think that Satan is the author of all evil, but don't succumb to that temptation. Satan is the reason the U.S. has mandatory education. We have knowledge thanks to Satan, according to the Book of Genesis (not to mention an expanding fruit palette). And writers everywhere rejoice: typos are caused by Satan. Maybe we don't like that last one, but the first two are pretty good. Two outta three is a good day for a baseball player, and baseball is proof that Satan exists because the California/Anaheim/Los Angeles Angels are always awful unless they have literal angels in the outfield. 

What we're saying is that a guy who gets lapdances from Lil Nas X and was supposedly was behind the invention of metal at minimum has great taste in music. The guy can't be all bad. Plus, the Church of Satan has great taste in Christmas movies. Surprising, right? All that and more below:



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