Pirates are why America doesn't use the metric system, but they're also responsible some of game designers' most hilarious moments, so we'll call it a draw. Pirates are undeniably cool, a potent mixture of cartoonish and terrifying that they can be the true story behind a Taika Waititi comedy and real-life bad guys in a Tom Hanks movie. The question, though, is would you want to be a pirate? For our American readers: pirates had health insurance, so point in their favor. But also, pirates had syringes used for injecting mercury into the urethra. Yeah, maybe we'll keep our pirate fantasies in video games.