Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: The War on Christmas.
Everyone has different Christmas traditions: Some of us decorate trees, some of us drink egg-nog, some of us eat fruitcake, and some of us cover ourselves in feces, threaten to murder our children, and foster racism in their hearts.
With the skies growing more crowded every year, and the airlines losing their sense of shame every day, flight delays have gone from being a rare event to a reliable nuisance for anyone who chooses to travel by air.
These ads seem to want nothing to do with cheer and goodwill, but rather to unsettle you someplace deep in your soul, so that you will never be 'right' again.
As I do ever year, let me start by saying, you're welcome. You have no doubt received my final edits on your own Christmas letters in the mail by this point. I will say that on the whole, I found them as endearing as they were littered with cliches and errors.
In the same way that not all Christians are Young Earth Creationists, plenty of modern Muslims see room for interpretation in the Quran.
On Halloween, G.O.D.E.K. doesn't give out candy-- he gives children tips on keeping their marriage spontaneous with heart balloons and back massage coupons. And speaking of children, the following four books were printed on their flattened and dried remains:
The comics industry's intense obsession with Barack Obama has provided us with some bizarre, baffling and sometimes even disturbing stories.
It's almost like Jimi Hendrix knew the internet would be invented, and that the music fans who hang out there would have way too much time on our hands
If you really look into the history of our technological development, you'll notice that the force driving us forward all this time wasn't our need to better ourselves or seek out truth in all its forms, but rather our desire to see naked people touch each other's junk.