The power has been out for almost eighteen hours. We're all huddled together for warmth in what has to be the largest pile of naked comedy writers since Woodstock. If the storm goes on for much longer we'll have to draw lots and eat someone. All we have in the office are these nasty canned cocktail weiners and a quart of gin currently guarded by a knife-wielding Brockway.
Oh, and also it's Valentine's Day. Or near Valentine's day. So happy fucking Valentine's day.
|7 Insane Ways Music Affects Body (According To Science)
Music is almost as amazing as the drugs that inspire it.
"Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks is the book to read about this topic "
No joke here, jajdude was right on the money; Oliver Sacks is the shit.
|6 Shockingly Evil Things Babies Are Capable Of
If WE were babies, we'd definitely take advantage of being too adorable to bash over the skull with a tire iron.
"So, as a left-handed person, it's highly likely that I was born a murderer. That is so cool. "
That's right, androidmedia, and if you don't want us to tell the cops you'd better fork fifty g's over right fucking now.
|6 Global Corporations Started By Their Founder's Shitty Luck
Even the worst disasters can be the genesis of something beautiful. Unless you die, which is more likely.
"Hmmmmm... You might call them lucky but I think they were hardworking badasses. I mean, an earthquake has destroyed my small business, the lawmakers are threatening to ruin me, or my business is getting frowned upon... and I see an opportunity in any of that! Hey, that's the spirit of capitalism. "
It's always about capitalism with you, Libertariandude. Haven't you ever considered the benefits of socialism, like dreadlocked girls with hairy armpits?
|6 Disastrous Ways Pop Culture Influences The Real World
We knew there had to be some sort of objective, fact-based reason CSI was awful.
"Wait, making it harder to shoot people is a DISASTER? "
It is for the gangsters, Viergacht. Not so much for the cops.
|The 5 Most Widely Believed WWII Facts (That Are Bullshit)
It turns out most widely believed facts are bullshit.
This article got more than 600 comments. Most of them were retarded.
|Some people shouldn't play drinking games.
Specifically, these people.
YOU YOU YOU!
|23 Grossly Unnecessary Updates To Modern Technology
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If Cartoons Were More Like The Real World
It would be a lot funnier if the building was an abortion clinic
"The terrorist took hostages, but at 4:15 PM today he was killed in a deadly hail of rulers."
More than ANYTHNG I want to see that picture
It takes balls to do what he does ... really grippy balls.
Sometimes flags play "Capture the People".
So somebody DOES give a flying f**k...
Some situations are almost impossible to articulate to the 9-1-1 operator.
I just walked into Japan and came out looking like this.
No matter how much he displayed his plumage, he was woefully unsuccessful at attracting a mate.
Next to it is a sculpture of a white foot that can actually afford a shoe...
It had to be delivered by Toe Truck.
by Kamikaze Phoenix
You know what? Don't Ask, Don't Tell has its limits.