Cracked Round-Up: STD Awareness Edition

STDs exist. Be aware. Sometimes people will claim to be clean, even though they're really infected with enough groin goblins to fill up ten Mordors. Now half the office is out sick while the rest of us are over-worked and riddled with pox scars.

Bucholz got the ball rolling with some speculation on Leno's replacement. Cody showed us some excerpts from Leno's facebook page, while Robert Brockway combed the headlines for possible signs of nascent supervillainy. Seanbaby followed up with a biography of the world's unluckiest skull. Dan O'Brien capped our week off with some self-insertion Spider-Man fanfic.
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The 9 Most Terrifying Attempts To Improve Popular Foods

Maybe, just maybe eggs are good enough just the way they are.

Notable Comment:

"RE: Eggloaf "This product isn't generally available stateside" Ever order breakfast from a McDonald's? The product isn't generally available to the consumer stateside, but fast food resturants have used it for over a decade. "

Thanks for sharing, LobsterMonster. Somehow this actually comforts us; the eggloaf is probably the part of your breakfast sandwich that comes closest to being actual food.

6 Insane Fan Theories That Actually Make Great Movies Better

Sometimes nerdy fans do something besides collect a creepy amount of toys and travel to endless conventions.

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Notable Comment:

sorcrachi says, "The comedy version of CASINO ROYALE had fun with the multiple James Bond theory. In it they revealed that James Bond is merely a code name and not the name of any one person. Btw, there really was a 007. In the time of Queen Elizabeth I there was a man named John Dee, an alchemist and occultist, who often performed espionage missions On Her Majesty's Secret Service. He was known by the code name 007. (And that might be where Ian Fleming got it from.) "

MartyRotten serves up a heaping helping of pertinent historical fact.

7 Books We Lost To History That Would Have Changed The World

Way to go, assholes of the past.

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Notable Comment:

"What about the massive compilation of old-school pornography, collected by Elephantis, that Emperor Tiberius allegedly took with him to that island? I'd take that over another Biblical text any day. "

So would we, Stonikus, so would we.

7 Movies You Didn't Know Can Come True (With Mental Illness)

Sadly, none of these disorders can make romantic comedies even the slightest bit believable.

Notable Comment:

"Night at the Museum sucked. It was predictable and unoriginal. The best Ben Stiller movie is Tropic Thunder. Althought, to be fair, I've never seen Zoolander. "

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Dreadjaws, you've either been terribly wronged or given an incredible gift. Our office is split down the middle.

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8 Great Foods for Explaining Why Terrorists Hate Us

Keep a puke bucket nearby.

The Greatest Stories Ever Told Summed Up Via Infographic

We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Unnecessarily Gritty Reboots.

Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners?
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Contribute your own.


"You're a mean drunk, Magneto."
by jtklove

Editor's pick:

Sure, France has the Arc de Triomphe, but check out their Arc de Fail.
by Tessica


"Trust me. I'm a scientist."
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

"Hello, 911? Yeah, it's stuck in a wooden divider this time..."
by Fkelleghan


Is it just me or are the regulated smoking areas getting smaller and smaller?
by nimo

Editor's pick:

Sarah Palin fans try to see Russia from their house, too.
by geniuswaitress


by LegitimateJoe

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Editor's pick:

Red Rover, Red Rover, send deodorant over.
by Versus


Before Paris Hilton visits a city, they raise Pubic Lice awareness.
by Mr.Excalibur

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Editor's pick:

Okay, you've raised my awareness. I wish you hadn't.
by Fkelleghan


C is for Dog...just one reason this kids show did not make it past the first episode.
by RogersIB

Editor's pick:

Clifford the Big Red Dog's lesser known brother Clayton the Yellow Fever Dog.
by BigFrank


It looked bad for Leo. The fox had employed a strong Sicilian defence and ruined his Bonnetti's Gambit. But then he remembered that he was a goddam lion, and the carnage began.
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

Checkmating ritual.
by nimo

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