Most of us are lucky if we can make it through life with even one outstanding talent. But some just aren't content with that.
We require competency exams for teenagers, but once life has beat them down or their natural instincts have worn down enough to suck at everything else, we give them the benefit of the doubt.
Recently a man ate another man and Cracked had an awesome day of traffic. This is not coincidence.
Paparazzi give us the opportunity to see the tattoos actors have digitally removed or covered up with makeup in movies. But what about the tattoos the fictional characters are hiding from their fans?
In no other genre is setting as important as it is in science fiction: No matter how intricate the book's plot, or how chisel-jawed that Hollywood manpile on the movie's poster might be, the universe is always going to be the real star.
Here's some phrases that signal some actual bad things coming that nobody wants any part of.
When it comes to lowering your expectations of the adult world, it doesn't get much better than finding out about this kind of crap.
Since Hollywood got her mitts on the Facebook story, we've seen non-fiction books adapted to the screen with a reckless abandon that surely foretells bad things for the movie-going public. We asked you to predict the non-fiction books that will be making disastrous appearances on the silver screen.
What follows are a few of the more interesting tidbits I picked up while driving through this great land. I share them not only to give you, the reader, a glimpse at what kind of boring shit I get into when I'm not working, but also because writing about the trip means I can count the gas and hotel rooms that I shelled out for along the way as tax
We're not encouraging children to commit crimes, or applauding the terrible deeds committed by these kids. We're just saying we're kind of impressed.
It's not that we hate you for offering these things, we just wish you wouldn't. Also, yeah, we kind of hate you.
Are the celebrations herein involving fire and dicks and animal shit any stranger than, say, New Year's Eve, or Mardi Gras? Actually, yes.
The I am not composed of extremely low pH water and hatred of all things fun. The problem with my fun times, however, is that there are outside forces pissing them away from me.