What this would look like
You: -on hold for eighteen minutes, angry- Man am I ever angry.
CSR: Hello, how can I help you today?
You: Hello, Hi. I'd like to dispute some charges on my ... Adidas Store Credit Card.
CSR: All right sir, can I start by getting your Adidas Store Account Number?
You: No you may not. Because I don't have it. I have never applied for an Adidas Store Credit Card. Someone else had evidently applied for one in my name.
CSR: I see. All right, can I get your name then?
You: Sure. It's Zach Everyman.
CSR: Just one moment. Ok, it seems here that you've purchased eighteen pairs of cross trainers at our El Paso location.
You: No, you see that's the thing. I have not done that, nor have I even been in El Paso.
CSR: I see. Adidas products are exceptionally comfortable sir; is it possible that you've been wearing these shoes without knowing it?
"It happens more often than you'd expect."
You: Wow. Just ... wow. You are a real piece of work. No, I have not been accidentally wearing thirty-six Adidas shoes.
CSR: How did you know that you purchased thirty-six shoes sir?
You: I ... what? You just told me I purchased eighteen pairs.
CSR: But I never mentioned thirty six shoes sir, and looking at my screen here, it looks like you purchased exactly that number. I'm afraid we are going to have to turn down this dispute sir. Could you please provide me with your current address and a list of your three greatest fears so I can forward those to our collections department?
"Cave trolls, black socks and licorice. Got it."