Let's face it: A jellyfish is just damp tissue that was granted semi-sentience and is not suitable to gift to anybody, let alone a loved one.
Beats sold four pairs of their Solos headphones every minute of 2013 thanks, in part, to their weight.
What's one way to troll the Nazis? By sending six hilariously inadequate planes to bomb Berlin during their anniversary party.
Keith Olbermann doesn't give a damn.
We talked to a bouncer named Cronk and learned all about terrifying women, Road House, and how everyone is just itching for a fight to happen.
There are problems with interplanetary colonization that sci-fi doesn't warn you about -- most of which involve our imminent doom.
It turns out museums are deathtraps and almost certainly haunted.
Tasers are nonlethal weapons that have killed over 500 people, so obviously the next step was to make them bigger and stronger.
Shockingly, only one of these is German.
Why not apply a little tradition mix-and-match to your holidays this year to make them as cool as humanly possible?
These select few people have more money and more power than a trillion Tony Montanas, and absolutely nobody is trying to stop them.