Cracked Archive - News

The news media is the crying baby seated next to you on the 12-hour plane ride of life.

• By Ted E., Scott Laffey
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• May 31, 2016

@hopeless is the 'Woe is me' Twitter account you've sought for the entirety of your miserable life.

• By Adam Tod Brown
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• May 26, 2016

Excessive exposure to news media can burn out the circuits in your brain that allow you to give a shit.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• May 24, 2016

Even though things seem to be taking a turn for the terrifying here in the United States, we still got it pretty good.

• By Adam Tod Brown
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• May 19, 2016

The news media is primarily a delivery system for anxiety and impotent rage.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• May 17, 2016

The news can sound like a bar full of drunk strangers all loudly trying to tell you about the worst thing that ever happened to them.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• May 10, 2016

Warning: These stories are super depressing.

• By Kathy Benjamin
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• May 07, 2016

The news reads like an encyclopedia of worst-case scenarios.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• May 03, 2016

Whether you have a 'live and let live' approach or you're convinced that every person with a foreign accent is destroying this country from within, you're probably operating under some false assumptions about the issue.

• By Chasen Shaw, Sahir Doshi
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• May 03, 2016

Watching the news can make you feel like your brain just worked a long shift at a diaper-cleaning service.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• April 26, 2016

How long do you think it takes conspiracy theorists to turn nasty after a national tragedy? A year? A month? Nope: Immediately.

• By Mark Hill, Lenny Pozner
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• April 26, 2016

So there's this guy in Afghanistan who learned English from watching old Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, and he has quite the story to tell.

• By Robert Evans
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• April 20, 2016

Trying to stay current with the news is like getting a job manning Earth's complaint desk.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• April 19, 2016

Lengthy primaries, bitter arguments, colossal amounts of money ... that's just how democracy works, right? But some of those everyday oddities are completely baffling to outsiders.

• By Mark Hill, Pauli Poisuo
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• April 12, 2016

The news can make it look like the world is directed by Zack Snyder while going through a bitter divorce.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• April 12, 2016