The news media is the crying baby seated next to you on the 12-hour plane ride of life.
@hopeless is the 'Woe is me' Twitter account you've sought for the entirety of your miserable life.
Excessive exposure to news media can burn out the circuits in your brain that allow you to give a shit.
Even though things seem to be taking a turn for the terrifying here in the United States, we still got it pretty good.
The news media is primarily a delivery system for anxiety and impotent rage.
The news can sound like a bar full of drunk strangers all loudly trying to tell you about the worst thing that ever happened to them.
Warning: These stories are super depressing.
The news reads like an encyclopedia of worst-case scenarios.
Whether you have a 'live and let live' approach or you're convinced that every person with a foreign accent is destroying this country from within, you're probably operating under some false assumptions about the issue.
Watching the news can make you feel like your brain just worked a long shift at a diaper-cleaning service.
How long do you think it takes conspiracy theorists to turn nasty after a national tragedy? A year? A month? Nope: Immediately.
So there's this guy in Afghanistan who learned English from watching old Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, and he has quite the story to tell.
Trying to stay current with the news is like getting a job manning Earth's complaint desk.
Lengthy primaries, bitter arguments, colossal amounts of money ... that's just how democracy works, right? But some of those everyday oddities are completely baffling to outsiders.
The news can make it look like the world is directed by Zack Snyder while going through a bitter divorce.