Cracked Archive - News
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/9)
The news is like an alarm that sounds 24 hours a day, alternately screaming that you're going to die and that you need to ask your doctor about erectile dysfunction pills.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
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832
832 The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/2)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to binge-watch every movie in the 'Gory Psychological Horror' and 'Violent Political Drama' categories on Netflix.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 771
4 Ways The Presidential Race Has Destroyed Iowa
All the red-white-and-blue hullabaloo that visits Iowa once every four years makes life really, really strange for the people who live there.
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- By Robert Evans, Anonymous, Evan V. Symon
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- Comments
- 566
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/26)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to clean up post-blizzard snow drifts by pissing on them.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 789
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/19)
World events are like a game of chess, only there are billions of pieces, no rules, and the board is perched precariously over a landmine.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 615
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The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/12)
Staying current with the news is like trying to put tiny tuxedos on a swarm of angry hornets.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 526
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/5)
Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to dry out a flooded basement with a sponge.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 788
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (12/15)
Watching the news, it's clear that the real world is a lot like the 'Star Wars' universe, in the sense that there are lots of people getting limbs hacked off by religious extremists.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 596
5 BS Myths About Being Poor You Believe Thanks To The Media
As far as most news outlets are concerned, anyone below the poverty line is fair game as a source of national amusement and mockery.
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- By Amanda Mannen
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- Comments
- 1158
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (12/8)
Watching the news can leave you with the impression that the world is secretly run by YouTube commenters.
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- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 862
The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/24)
A quick look at the news should make you thankful that you're not currently running and screaming from some disaster or another.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 629
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/17)
The news can seem like a crossover between the 'Saw' franchise and 'Groundhog Day.'
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
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- Comments
- 840
6 Shady Ways The Media Makes Millennials Look Like Idiots
Look, folks, portraying the youth of today as Archie and Jughead hopped up on The Weeknd and emojis isn't going to make the world a less stupid place.
- Authors
- By Michael Hossey
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- Comments
- 676
The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/10)
Following the news every day will make you wonder why Matt Damon didn't just ask to stay on Mars.
- Authors
- By Ted E., T. S. Obiech
- Published
- Comments
- 683
5 Weirdly Accepted Ways The Media Is Racist Against Asians
With all this credulity-straining clickbait everywhere, it's reasonable to assume that everybody who writes for the Internet is in truth the same stoned intern.
- Authors
- By Amanda Mannen
- Published
- Comments
- 515
