Cracked Archive - News

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/12)

Staying current with the news is like trying to put tiny tuxedos on a swarm of angry hornets.


The 6 Dumbest Things We Just Learned The Secret Service Did

It's been more than 50 years since the last time a president died while the Secret Service was babysitting him, though clearly they've dumb-lucked their way into that winning record.


14 Obvious 'Truths' Missing From Recent News Stories (1/8)

'New Netflix series makes every neckbeard an expert investigator.'


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (1/5)

Trying to keep up with the news is like trying to dry out a flooded basement with a sponge.


4 Things Everybody Overlooks When Talking About Trump

Hey, have you heard about Donald Trump's run for president? No, not his current campaign -- his 2000 run when he tried to win the Reform Party nomination but lost to Pat Buchanan.


5 Horrific Experiences I Lived As A Child Refugee

The bloodbaths in the Kakuma refugee camp tended to start with hunger and desperation.


5 Huge News Stories Of 2015 (We Immediately Forgot)

Don't worry, Ariana Grande, in our hearts you'll always be a doughnut licker instead of doing whatever that thing it is that you do.


18 News Stories Altered To Actually Tell The Truth (12/20)

Google is revealing some truly freaky stuff with their technology.


How 8 Stores Are Fighting The War On Christmas

Family Dollar is clearly not ashamed to love Christmas in a Christmas-hating world, and that's an admirable trait for any soldier to have.


29 Ridiculous 'News' Stories You Thought Were True In 2015

No, Pope Paul VI never proclaimed our pets are going to heaven.


5 Petty Ways People Are Ruining Christmas This Year

Red Starbucks cups are so last month. Here some new things for your family to yell about over Christmas dinner.


6 Reasons You've Probably Read Russian Propaganda Today

Russian propaganda slips into our reading every day. Straight from the Kremlin, right into your Facebook feed.


We Asked A Mass Shooter Why The Hell This Keeps Happening

What we think we know about these people is either grossly simplified or outright B.S.


The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (12/15)

Watching the news, it's clear that the real world is a lot like the 'Star Wars' universe, in the sense that there are lots of people getting limbs hacked off by religious extremists.


If Recent News Was Giving You Truth, Not B.S.

Our gift to you: News stories stripped of political B.S. and human bias. You're welcome and happy holidays.