Keeping up with meaningful news stories is like trying to find an M&M in a Skittles factory.
Bill Maher is almost as big a piece of garbage as Milo is.
We can't promise that any of these fascinating facts will save your life -- or, for that matter, be of any practical use whatsoever.
Keeping up with the news is like shopping at a big box store. It's busy, it's confusing, and there's just so much of everything.
Grab a beer, you pitchfork-shining renegade.
It's pretty hard to read these stories and wonder how anyone involved didn't see the end result coming a mile away.
Our writers couldn't agree on how to best tackle this issue, so we had them tackle each other -- figuratively, as our 'Blood Arena' was banned by HR.
The news is like the endless, vaguely terrifying disclaimers at the end of a prescription drug commercial.
The weekly news cycle is like a giant box of Conversation Hearts -- some of it makes sense, but the rest is indecipherable garbage.
When the Constitution mentions 'citizens,' it is exclusive to citizens of the United States, but when it starts using the word 'person,' it's referring to everybody.
Shoving the plot points of a movie into news history not only ends up discrediting a piece of creative work, but it also distances us from the threat that is Trump.