An election that happened thousands of miles away is what deserves the bulk of our attention today.
While you're busy packing your bags for that shuttle to Mars, news happens.
NASA's research history includes projects that are far from the ordinary rocket engine tests and spacesuit building, and veer right into Twilight Zone territory.
I interviewed a spokesman with the DEA, along with four experts in the field, to find out why a whole bunch of people with terrible, chronic pain are about to become criminals.
Look, we get it. Once you find out that your patronus is a three-legged alley cat, it's hard to get motivated to check on the news.
Breitbart makes Fox News look like the BBC.
Keep your eye out for the following headlines, and trust us when we say they should never be shared in conjunction with that laugh-cry emoji you love so much.
Ever find yourself longingly watching families holding hands? Slowing down time when a child runs into the arms of their smiling dad, like in a bad Hallmark commercial? You might be feeling the symptoms of having an estranged father.
NBC is actively endorsing Trump, all while pretending they cut ties well over a year ago with the man they helped make a star.
It's as if people don't even know how to use Google anymore.
It's getting so you can't check the news without your smart phone bursting into flames.
Warning: Nothing but horror is ahead.