Cracked Archive - News

5 Times The Answer To 'What Could Go Wrong?' Was Obvious

It's pretty hard to read these stories and wonder how anyone involved didn't see the end result coming a mile away.


The Ramifications Of Milo On 'Real Time With Bill Maher'

Our writers couldn't agree on how to best tackle this issue, so we had them tackle each other -- figuratively, as our 'Blood Arena' was banned by HR.


Hey, Harrison Ford, About These Planes ...

What I'm about to say may sound like an attack, but please believe me when I say that I'm speaking to you from a place of love.


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/21/17)

The news is like the endless, vaguely terrifying disclaimers at the end of a prescription drug commercial.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/14/17)

The weekly news cycle is like a giant box of Conversation Hearts -- some of it makes sense, but the rest is indecipherable garbage.


The Most Quoted B.S. Myth Inside The Right's Media Bubble

When the Constitution mentions 'citizens,' it is exclusive to citizens of the United States, but when it starts using the word 'person,' it's referring to everybody.


Let's Stop Viewing Donald Trump Through Pop Culture Lenses

Shoving the plot points of a movie into news history not only ends up discrediting a piece of creative work, but it also distances us from the threat that is Trump.


9 Hard Truths Trump Wishes He Knew Before Becoming President

There are drawbacks to being an outsider.


Why The Viral 'I Left The Left' Is Based On B.S. Logic

Dave Rubin runs through a list of the outrageous things he claims 'progressives' want, but nothing he mentions bears any resemblance to anything I or anybody I have ever met is actually fighting for.


Everything You Need To Know About Pizzagate (Is Insane)

The people who concocted this theory should be ashamed for wasting a perfectly good name like 'Pizzagate.'


An Insanely Depressing Day In The Life Of Donald Trump

Prepare for the seriously researched, definitive schedule of Donald Jamillah Trump that is in no way designed to antagonize him or his supporters.


Why Democrats Are Every School Yard Bully's Wet Dream

In reality, if a werewolf tried to play high school basketball, he'd be shot in the face by Betsy DeVos.


The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/7/17)

This week we rolled out our weekly news feature like the good SuperBowl ads -- a few at a time, spread out over time.


5 Embarrassing Secrets Hiding In Trump's Cabinet

This is information America needs to hear. You're welcome.