Is your beef too moist? Does it have just too much flavor? Move over, Keuri-egg -- there's another certifiably horrible TikTok cooking hack setting the internet ablaze. Last week, TikToker @eemilydharperr took to the video-sharing app to tell the world about a seriously disturbing "kitchen tip" for healthy cooking -- straining and rinsing the heck out of your sauteed ground beef.
"Let me show you what I learned in Nutrition a couple years ago," she wrote alongside a clip of her dumping raw, seemingly unseasoned beef from a Ziploc baggie onto a pan, a remixed-Spongebob theme underscoring the entire affair. "All this grease is disgusting, so get rid of it!" the amateur chef wrote, pouring the perfectly-good meat into a colander, before rinsing under her sink faucet and placing back onto the stove. "Look at the difference!" she added, pushing the dry dog-food like meat crumbles around the pan.
The video, which now has more than 4.6 million views on TikTok quickly went viral on Twitter, with angry meat lovers pouncing on the poor TikToker's beefy blunder.
"death penalty," wrote @poetatoeboi, alongside a repost of the video that has racked up more than 5.1 million views.
"That must be the blandest, driest beef in all of the world. Like weird sawdust crumbles," quipped @cantkillheros, reading pretty much all of our minds.
Amid the widespread ire, some even expressed concern for her poor pipes, after their evident assault of grease.
"every day I come on here and *checks notes* watch someone rinse their ground beef and clog their pipes at the same time," wrote user @droshis.
"FUCKING. THE 'GREASE' IS MAINLY WATER THAT YOU CAN BOIL OFF AND THEN FRY THE MEAT IN ITS OWN FAT YOU DONT HAVE TO USE A FUCKING COLANDER TO DRAIN IT ITS GONNA RUIN YOUR PIPES HOLY FUCKING SHIT I CANT STAND IT HERE THEY RINSED THEIR FRIED MEAT IM GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE," @KAND1C0RE virtually "yelled" in a perfectly appropriate use of all-caps.
"okay, at first I was like, oh alright draining your ground beef, that makes sense but uhhhh legit isn't it a MAJOR food safety no no to rinse your meat with water???" asked user @Sonic9jct "additionally if you're draining your fat *directly* into your pipes, you better start saving for that plumber now."
Hey, who can blame her for working towards supporting independent contractors in these trying times!
Now, reader, in true journalistic transparency, I have a confession to make. In my 24 years on this planet, I've never eaten red meat, sans the single bite of my ex's lamb dish when we managed to sneak into Disneyland's Club 33, and an accidental slice of pepperoni hidden under a layer of cold cheese at my cousin's Bar Mitzvah back in 2009 (the irony). My friends have made fun of me for freezing when asked how done I wanted my Impossible burger, and for failing to realize that the cross-hatch pattern on ham comes from its binding, and is not the meat's natural pattern.
I know hardly anything about meat, and yet, I was thoroughly taken aback by this video. Even I, the vegetarian who once legitimately believed people ordered "charred" steaks and asked why surf and turf MUST be steak and lobster, instead of say, chicken and tuna, or turkey and salmon, or any other land-sea meat combination, for that matter, knew something very very wrong was afoot here.
And it's not just me -- several other vegetarians and vegans flocked to Twitter to express their confused concern for this poor, albeit probably healthy soul.
"Add totally rinsing ground beef AFTER cooking to: "Unseasoned Highlights volume 10" Bro I'm a vegetarian, but rinsing ground beef is disgustingly unseasoned. WTF!?" wrote @crypto_approved.
Self-described vegetarian, @cinnybunni, even says she audibly said "oh no" upon seeing the video. "don't rinse your ground beef people. DRAIN it."
You know you messed up when vegetarians even take the time our of their day to absolutely dunk on your beef sauteeing skills. Ouch.
Yet according to a follow up video she posted on Tuesday, it seems some of the hateful comments may have gone a bit too far. "Take a walk with me through some of my messages and you'll understand why my comments are off," she wrote alongside a video appearing to scroll through her DMs, including messages calling her a "dumb bitch," a "real life psychopath" and telling her to "go kill herself." Yikes. Sure, her cooking may be certifiably terrible, but (thankfully) we don't have to eat it. To each their own.
But hey, as much as we may dunk on her culinary abilities, she will always have one thing on all of us -- perfect cholesterol.