Cracked Archive - News
Are Gorillas Using Tinder Now? Spoilers: No, They're Not
As adorable as this video is, it's important to remember that gorilla body language doesn't always translate well to humans.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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11 There's Gourmet Sushi For Dogs (Who Lick Their Own Butts)
Dogs need a lot of love, cuddles, food, and occasionally, for their owner to clean poop off their butt fur.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 7
The BBC Quoted A Hardcore Porn Website's Anti-Trump Tweet
I'm offended by the implication that hardcore porn sites can't have political opinions.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 14
Smart Hannity Fans Smash Their Own Coffee Makers In Protest
You know what really triggers liberals? When you destroy your own expensive property.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 86
What Stupid News About Millennials Is There Now? (11/14/17)
Millennials don't deserve the rap they get.
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- By Tim Hawkman, Chris Pauls
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- 378
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Pepsi Releases New Salted Caramel Flavor. Uh, You Ok Guys?
Pepsi. Buddy. Sit down. We need to talk.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 122
Are Aliens Leaving Wooden Wieners In The Alps?
Imagine the effort that went into this dong.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 48
The Most Important Things You Need To Know On Friday 11/10
The news is like an oncoming train filled with clown cars.
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- By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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- 329
A Psychologist Says Early Christmas Music Is Unhealthy
Inappropriate Christmas music is bad for your mental health.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 26
Obama Showed Up For Jury Duty And Was Dismissed (Duh)
Barack Obama was dismissed from jury duty because, no duh.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 45
Cops Respond To Cries Of Help... That Came From A Parrot
It's a sad statement on the failures of our institutions that the police did not take this parrot's cries for help seriously.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 16
Protesters And Pokemon Go Players Arrested In Russia
The Russian government's track record on protests is not great.
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 15
What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now (11/12/2017)
McDonalds has finally released an app to let me know the precise times when their ice cream machines are working.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 65
Tiffany's Offers A $1,000 Tin Can. Good Job, Rich People.
Okay, rich people. What's your deal?
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- By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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- 39
Edible Glitter Coffee Is Happening. Don't Get Mad.
You know what? After the 'Rick and Morty' Szechuan sauce debacle, I don't want to hear a single complaint about glitter coffee.
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- By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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- 17
