Cracked Archive - News

Stop ... Hammer Time.

• By Tim Hawkman, Mark Hill
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• November 03, 2017

The news just doesn’t get any better than this. Which is kind of depressing when you think about it.

• By T. S. Obiech, Scott Laffey
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• November 02, 2017

Winner winner chicken ... ugh ...

• By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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• November 02, 2017

If you asked me to trade in the sanctity of our democracy to see Jesus arm-wrestle Satan, I would.

• By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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• November 02, 2017

More like 'Lying King' ...

• By Tim Hawkman, Lydia Bugg
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• November 02, 2017

Why did this suddenly become the month we exposed an industry so fraught with scandal that Variety now reads like a newspaper crime section?

• By David Christopher Bell
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• November 01, 2017

A child getting small amounts of candy handouts from all of her neighbors is like the definition of socialism.

• By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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• November 01, 2017

Truly, a terrifying look into the mind of a cold blooded killer.

• By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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• November 01, 2017

If your business can be crippled by black people protesting injustice, you probably aren't running a great business.

• By Tim Hawkman
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• November 01, 2017

I can't imagine how these officers and judges function in real life, with all the 'ambiguous' slang out there.

• By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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• October 31, 2017

I'm going to come right out and admit it: I somewhat enjoy black licorice.

• By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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• October 31, 2017

What kind of weirdo tampers with Halloween candy?

• By Tim Hawkman, Ian Fortey
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• October 31, 2017

Mario's dingaling appears in an officially licensed manga, so his pendulous little disco stick is canon.

• By Randall Maynard, Katie Goldin
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• October 30, 2017

WARNING: SPOILERS ARE AHEAD. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED STRANGER THINGS 2, GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS ARTICLE. GO BACK TO HANGING OUT WITH YOUR JOCK FRIENDS.

• By Tim Hawkman, Daniel Dockery
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• October 30, 2017

This woman is a certifiable evil genius.

• By Katie Goldin, Andres Diplotti
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• October 30, 2017