Cracked Archive - News

We Don't Need Susan B. Anthony To Be Pardoned
We Don't Need Susan B. Anthony To Be Pardoned

Dead women don't vote.

58
National Conventions Are Pointless Wastes Of Time
National Conventions Are Pointless Wastes Of Time

Welcome to the lamest concert on Earth.

62
Running A Lemonade Stand Is Dangerous Work (No, Really)
Running A Lemonade Stand Is Dangerous Work (No, Really)

When life gives you lemons, then you might get robbed.

13
Buying Stamps Won't Save The Post Office; Here's What Will
Buying Stamps Won't Save The Post Office; Here's What Will

You don't need to be buying stamps.

69
5 Crazy True Crimes That Got Overshadowed This Year
5 Crazy True Crimes That Got Overshadowed This Year

These deaths are not normal by even the twenty-twentiest of definitions.

72
Why Is The USPS And Mail-In Voting Being Ruined?
Why Is The USPS And Mail-In Voting Being Ruined?

Imagine this story coming from another country. It would be an example of "third-world" politics.

146
Dog Whistles Are Already Blowing For Kamala Harris
Dog Whistles Are Already Blowing For Kamala Harris

It's only been two days.

158
The QAnon Congressperson is Nothing New
The QAnon Congressperson is Nothing New

The weird is coming from inside the House.

38
Hey, How Does Time Work in the Peanut Universe?
Hey, How Does Time Work in the Peanut Universe?

We can accept reincarnation. We can even accept time travel. Just get it straight.

13
Robot Trucks Will Soon Screw Up The U.S.A. (And Nobody's Talking About It)
Robot Trucks Will Soon Screw Up The U.S.A. (And Nobody's Talking About It)

And this isn't the plot of Transformers we're talking about here.

97
Aside From Scoring Political Points, It Sure Feels Like Trump's Unemployment Order Does Nothing
Aside From Scoring Political Points, It Sure Feels Like Trump's Unemployment Order Does Nothing

We have to hand it to him, this is Trump's best political move in a long time.

90
Most Expensive Mask In The World Is Also The Dumbest
Most Expensive Mask In The World Is Also The Dumbest

Now you too can sneeze into 1.5 million dollars.

25
Why Christmas 2020 Could Be An All-Time Nightmare
Why Christmas 2020 Could Be An All-Time Nightmare

And you thought it was bad every other year.

0
Schools Are Cracking Down On Students Sharing Shady Conditions On Social Media
Schools Are Cracking Down On Students Sharing Shady Conditions On Social Media

They choose to enforce social media restrictions, but telling students to wear a mask is a step too far?

94
The NRA's Latest Scandal Needs Its Own Documentary Series
The NRA's Latest Scandal Needs Its Own Documentary Series

Even if the NRA dissolves, that doesn't mean gun rights are going away.

76