“I don't have a lot of faith in my abilities,” the emperor confessed. “I'm not even sure how this all started.” He looked down at his hands, folded on a wooden desk, and then looked back up. He seemed embarrassed by that admission. “I mean… it's just one big mistake after another…” he trailed off.

The emperor looked at his hands again, inhaled, and sighed deeply.

He was slouched in an ornately decorated wooden chair. There were many paintings on the walls and a large fireplace to one side that was currently unlit but would likely be burning when winter came. The emperor himself had never been much for fire. It made the place smell like ash and burnt wood, which wasn't exactly what one wanted to smell around here.

Not too far above the fireplace, there was a list of odd facts hanging on a wall, for reasons probably known only to the emperor himself. That list went …

No, a witness did not fart while testifying during Johnny Depp’s trial.

The internet was abuzz after a witness allegedly farted while testifying during the Depp v. Heard trial. CRACKED.COM Unfortunately, the video was edited and no court- room tooting actually hap- pened. Per Snopes: Evi- dence is lacking to rule con- clusively on whether an ac- tual instance of flatulence took place at that moment.

Snopes

Fox does not regret Giuliani on “The Masked Singer.”

Fox executives have absolutely no regrets casting Rudy Giuliani in The Masked Singer. R NE CRACKED.COM The marketing is all about delivering jaw dropping moments, which is exactly what the casting accom- plished, says Rob Wade, the president of alternative entertainment & specials.

Variety

Penis-like pitcher plants are being pinched.

Cambodian environmental officials are pleading for people to stop picking carnivorous plants that resemble penises. GRACKED.COM The Cambodian Ministry of Environment shared images on Facebook of three women snatching up pitcher plants and posing with them, and ministry officials requested that members of the public leave the rare plants alone.

Live Science

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COVID funds were sent to the wrong man, who immediately lost it all gambling.

A man gambled away the 46.3 mil. yen in COVID funds mistakenly given to him. 5 10 23 8 30 LL 9E 13 27 9 34 LL C They E KOREA CRACKED.COM A 24-year-old man mistaken- ly sent 46.3 million yen ($360,000) in COVID-19 re- lief money by the western Ja- pan town he resides in, says he gambled it all away on overseas casino sites.

Kyodo News

Some lottery players claimed prizes despite the host calling the wrong number.

A Mega Millions host called out the wrong numbers, and players cashed out. FRI FEB23 5for 49op 47or 46or 18244 IX ERI FEE23 07 17 this 1 27 1 43op 34or 19op 44 21cm 11ce 20or 44or 56op 13op 45 36 50 55om 50on 55om 40or 37OP 2974 53or 40 CASH VALUE 35OP 29ce 883 88888 DISN CASH VALUE KIT ERZ FEB23 07 - 80 NEW Yours NEW 18975 724-010271105-123329 015035 YERR UNIVERSITY MEGA UNITED YORK MEGA YORK MEGA MILLIONS JACKPOT MILLIONS MILLIONS NON 1177 MILLION RESULTS HYLOTTERY ORG 16244 724 1-000526044-124229 19244 724-006461020-129229 FFT FEB23 07 FET FEG23 00

CNN

Target just tosses bikes in the trash.

Target is under fire for throwing a dozen brand new bikes in the dumpster. BAS FOX SPECIAL 17 CRACKED COM The TikTok video posted by @dumpster_finds back in April sparked outrage in re- cent days as commenters called Target out for toss- ing bikes rather than donat- ing them.

Bicycling

A couple was terrorized by ex-eBay executives for criticizing the company.

An ex-eBay exec plead guilty to terrorizing a couple with spiders and funeral wreaths. e b GRAGKED.COM ay David Harville is one of six others charged for harassing the Bos- ton duo who ran a new newsletter criti- cizing the company.

The Guardian

Cheese fraud just got a new hightech counter.

Parmigiano Reggiano makers are fighting 'cheese fraud' with tiny trackers embedded into the rind. CRACKED.COM True Parmesan cheese has a protected designation of ori- gin, and the amount of fraud is almost as big as product sales. The Parmigiano Reggiano Con- sortium is putting tiny, food-safe transponders in le- gitimate wheels of cheese.

Yahoo

Russia is taping basic GPS receivers to the dashboards of their fighter jets.

Downed Russian fighter jets are being found with basic GPS 'taped to the dashboards.' GF5 MAGELLAN ENTER GRAGKED.COM GPS' receivers have been found taped to the dash- boards of downed Russian Su-34s so the pilots knew where they were, due to the poor quality of their own systems, UK's defense sec- retary, Ben Wallace, said.

MSN

The “we have food at home” excuse no longer works on the new generation.

A Texas mother thought her 2-year-old was using her phone to take pictures, he was actually ordering 31 cheeseburgers. GRAGKED.COM A confused Kelsey Golden got a DoorDash notification explaining her order was running behind because of its large size, which is when she caught on to her hungry son's deception.

Star Telegram

There are more Airbnb rentals than actual apartments in NYC.

New York has more Airbnb listings than apartments for rent. CRACKED.COM Inventory in all of Manhattan, Brooklyn, and northwest Queens has been hovering well below 10,000 units, sev- eral thousand less than the number of entire-apartment and entire-home Airbnb rent- als right now: 10,572.

Curbed

Flying Dog will have the right to feature the silhouette of a naked man on their labels.

Flying Dog Brewery won their appeal to feature a silhouette of a naked man standing next to a campfire on one of their labels. CRACKED.COM The owners argued that the North Carolina Alcohol Bev- erage Control Commission violated their First Amend- ment rights by rejecting the label for its 'Freezin' Sea- son' Winter Ale.

AP News

Hip hop makes cheese taste better.

A study says that hip hop makes cheese taste better. CRACKED.COM Researchers found that the music had an impact on the strength of the smell, taste, and flavor of the cheeses. A group of food professionals declared that the cheese ex- posed to A Tribe Called Quest tasted best.

ABC

The Ritz Carlton ‘loss prevention’ office was robbed.

Someone stole from the Philadelphia Ritz Carlton's 'loss prevention' office. GRAGKED.COM The male suspect entered the hotel by forcing open a basement door around 1:20 am, went through the loss prevention office and locker room, and fled the area.

ABC

Australian PM Scott Morrison is walking back “I don’t hold a hose” comments.

The Australian Prime Minister said I don't hold a hose, mate in defense of going on vacation as wildfires were burning. CRACKED.COM Scott Morrison acknowl- edges that his com- ments weren't helpful as he continues to lean into a late attempt to recast his character ahead of the polls.

ABC

Vancouver Island women are just built different.

A breast feeding mother in British Columbia saved the family's pet goose from an eagle. CRACKED.COM Cait Oakley was nursing her baby girl when her goose Frankie came to the front door screaming, so Oakley sprung to action, despite wearing nothing but under- pants and a newborn.

CBC

A 20-year-old told police to catch him if they could, and they absolutely could.

A man who commented catch me if you can on his wanted appeal on Facebook has been caught. CRACKED.COM Jordan Carr, 20, was want- ed in connection with an aggravated burglary when he made the comment. Не was sentenced to eight years in prison and or- dered to serve an addition- al three years on license.

BBC

Police make a young woman’s dream come true: being arrested.

A 19-year-old Florida woman was arrested and told a deputy that getting arrested was on her bucket list. CRACKED.COM Janiya Shaimiracle Douglas was speeding and driving recklessly in Key Largo and did not pull over for police right away. Janya told the of- ficers that it was on her buck- et list since high school to be arrested, which she was.

WAFF

The Pope says he needs a shot of tequila for his knee pain.

The Pope said that what he really needed for his knee pain was a shot of tequila. GRACKED.COM Pope Franics quipped to Mexican seminarians from his popemobile in his na- tive Spanish that what he really needed was the stiff drink. The seminarians laughed and promised to bring him a bottle.

AP News

A Johnny Cash mural is perpetually peeing in his birth town.

Someone shot a water tower mural of Johnny Cash so it looks like he's peeing. CRACKED.COM The water tower sits in Cash's birthplace of King- sland, Arkansas, and police are requesting the perpe- trator of the act (of which Cash would surely enjoy had he been alive to see it) turn themselves in.

Kansas

A woman jumped into a spider monkey enclosure to feed the animals Cheetos.

The woman who jumped into a spider monkey enclosure at El Paso Zoo claims she did nothing wrong. El Paso Z CRACKED.COM The woman, Lucy Rae, fed two of the animals Cheetos as she trespassed in the enclosure. Since video of the incident made the rounds, she was arrested and lost her job... at a law firm

KVIA

Two fast food shootings that happened right next to each other on the same day were not related.

Lucky break: The shooting that occured at McDonald's was NOT related to the one that happened at Taco Bell just yards away. TACO BELL 99 CRACKED.COM The South Fulton Taco Bell had its own shooting, where two teens were injured, just hours before the one that happened at McDonalds, but residents can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the two are not linked.

AJC

George W. accidentally called the Iraq invasion 'unjustified and brutal.'

George W Bush accidentally condemned the 'unjustified and brutal' Iraq invasion. CRACKED.COM The former US presi- dent, 75, quickly cor- rected himself to say he had meant to refer to Vladimir Putin's invasion of Ukraine. Both can be true, George.

Sky News

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