“I don't have a lot of faith in my abilities,” the emperor confessed. “I'm not even sure how this all started.” He looked down at his hands, folded on a wooden desk, and then looked back up. He seemed embarrassed by that admission. “I mean… it's just one big mistake after another…” he trailed off.
The emperor looked at his hands again, inhaled, and sighed deeply.
He was slouched in an ornately decorated wooden chair. There were many paintings on the walls and a large fireplace to one side that was currently unlit but would likely be burning when winter came. The emperor himself had never been much for fire. It made the place smell like ash and burnt wood, which wasn't exactly what one wanted to smell around here.
Not too far above the fireplace, there was a list of odd facts hanging on a wall, for reasons probably known only to the emperor himself. That list went …
Friday the 13th is for more than just hockey mask wearing killers.
No, a witness did not fart while testifying during Johnny Depp’s trial.
Fox does not regret Giuliani on “The Masked Singer.”
Penis-like pitcher plants are being pinched.
COVID funds were sent to the wrong man, who immediately lost it all gambling.
Twins give birth an hour apart at the same hospital.
Some lottery players claimed prizes despite the host calling the wrong number.
Target just tosses bikes in the trash.
A couple was terrorized by ex-eBay executives for criticizing the company.
Cheese fraud just got a new hightech counter.
Russia is taping basic GPS receivers to the dashboards of their fighter jets.
The “we have food at home” excuse no longer works on the new generation.
There are more Airbnb rentals than actual apartments in NYC.
Flying Dog will have the right to feature the silhouette of a naked man on their labels.
Hip hop makes cheese taste better.
The Ritz Carlton ‘loss prevention’ office was robbed.
Australian PM Scott Morrison is walking back “I don’t hold a hose” comments.
Vancouver Island women are just built different.
A 20-year-old told police to catch him if they could, and they absolutely could.
Police make a young woman’s dream come true: being arrested.
The Pope says he needs a shot of tequila for his knee pain.
A Johnny Cash mural is perpetually peeing in his birth town.
A woman jumped into a spider monkey enclosure to feed the animals Cheetos.
Two fast food shootings that happened right next to each other on the same day were not related.
George W. accidentally called the Iraq invasion 'unjustified and brutal.'