15 Bonkers Headlines That Totally Deep Fried Our Twinkies

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15 Bonkers Headlines That Totally Deep Fried Our Twinkies

"You know," said the young man in the white lab coat as he stared at his computer screen, "there's no way you're really psychic." He turned and looked directly into my eyes. I was sitting on an examining table with the white plastic covering pulled back from my body, but it didn't feel cold.
He continued, "No real psychic could ever be so calm when talking to someone about their own death. No real psychic could have the power to see into people's minds without any kind of external device or contact. And no real psychic could ever predict something that happened years before."
He was right. There wasn't even anything on this man's desk except for a pen, some paper and a computer with a bunch of text on it. I squinted to read that text carefully, trying to make out as many words on the screen as I can. The text was a list of fifteen facts, and it went...

Vancouver kills the babies of a goose it wished ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to.

Vancouver wished one goose 'Happy Mother's Day,' and then destroyed her CRACKED.COM The goose made a nest on a terrace in the convention center, and was well taken care of until Parks and Recre- ation replaced her eggs with frozen store-bought ones in an effort to reduce the city's goose population.

PQB News

A German airline was a little too quick to group Jewish passengers together.

A German airline apologized after a large number of Jewish people were denied boarding. zair.com A-LWD CRACKED.COM Yitzy Halpern says he was lumped in with other pas- sengers recognizable as Jewish that refused to wear masks, leading to his tickets being canceled, de- spite not being a part of the offending group.

CNN

A substitute teacher was too “Toxic” to continue teaching.

A Texas substitute teacher was asked to leave early after singing Toxic karaoke. CRACKED.COM The substitute ар- peared on video har- monizing with a micro- phone attached to a karaoke machine that lit the classroom up with disco lights.

USA Today

A football club axed one player for too many farts.

A Brazilian footballer was demoted for excessive farts. CRAGKED.COM Lyon demoted their for- mer defender Marcelo Antônio Guedes Filho to the reserves due to per- sistent farting and im- maturity in the dressing room.

Pulse

A cleric in Kenya would rather stay in jail than take his chances on the outside.

A Muslim cleric in Kenya is refusing to leave jail, even after being acquitted. CRACKED GOM Guyo Gorsa Buru said he feared he could be abducted and killed by state agents once re- leased as is alleged has happened to other terror suspects.

BBC

A man lost 87 pounds waiting for the return of the Mexican pizza.

One TikTok creator can finally stop losing weight thanks to Taco Bell reintroducing the Mexican pizza. GRACKED.COM Chris Sandberg decided to make his weight loss jour- ney into a challenge, vow- ing to exercise every day from January 2021 until Taco Bell brought back the popular menu item - losing 87 pounds in the process.

Fox 13

Thongs were sold at a grade school for Mother’s Day.

A Catholic school in Philadelphia accidentally sold Mother's Day flowers stuffed with lingerie. GRAGKED.COM The bright red underwear was rolled into roses sold at the grade school, with school officials saying that the flowers were bought with the impression they were suitable for the holi- day.

Philly Voice

A dog wandered into the wrong home and snuggled in the owner’s bed.

A Tennessee couple was reunited with their dog after she wandered into a stranger's bed. CRACKED.COM The dog, Nala, walked into the home of Jimmy and Julie Johnson through an open back door after walk- ing two miles, climbing into their bed and confus- ing the sleeping couple.

Fox 17

Plagiarism Today was plagiarized in an essay about plagiarism.

An essay that was atoning for plagiarism was plagiarized from Plagiarism Today. VISUAL CRACKED.COM The essay was by an au- thor who admitted to pla- giarizing in her now-can- celed debut novel, which itself was found to include poor paraphrasing without attribution of a decade old article.

Plagiarism Today

A cat is in big trouble for trespassing and taunting other pets.

A Washington woman received $30,000 worth of fines because her cat was taunting other pets. CRACKED.COM The Regional Animal Ser- vices of King County (RASKC) issued violations for the cat, Miska, for tres- passing and taunting nearby pets. One of the neighbor's that complained was found to be the head of RASKC.

Local 12

A passenger had to land a single-engine plane after the pilot became incapacitated.

A plane was landed by a passenger with no flight experience at a Florida airport. F-HATZ F-HATZ CRACKED.COM After the pilot to the single engine Cessna became in- capacitated, the passenger contacted Air Traffic Con- trol and a certified flight instructor guided him step-by-step to a safe landing.

CNN

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