Cracked Archive - News
Ding-Dong Central Shoehorns The Free Britney Movement Into Their Nonsense
The #FreeBritney movement has a whole host of wacky new "supporters."
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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7
7 Australian Prime Minister Denies Pooping His Pants At McDonalds
Poop happens ... or does it?
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 8
Microsoft Threatens To Bring Back Clippy
Our favorite aggressively altruistic anthropomorphic paperclip may soon rise from Microsoft's vast graveyard of defunct features to annoy us once again.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- Comments
- 8
President Joe Biden Taps Throwback Thirst Traps, Teen Superstar Olivia Rodrigo, To Get Us Out Of This Mess
Presidential thirst traps are the new PSAs.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- Comments
- 6
A Woman Single-Handedly Recorded 40,000 VHS News Tapes
For more than 30 years, Marion Stokes spent her life preserving media reports in the hopes of combating fake news.
- Authors
- By Zanandi Botes
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Job Applicants Are Now Expected To Be Elle Woods Applying to Harvard With TikTok's New Resume Feature
"What, like *it's hard?" (it's being making a 1-3 minute custom video reiterating your professional experiences for a particular position)
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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Gyms In South Korea's Capital Barred From Playing Fast Workout Music
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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Move Over, Tide Pods: Dentists Warn Against TikTok Trend of Using Magic Eraser For Whitening Teeth
Please, please, please don't do this.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 14
Burger King Workers Quit En Masse Via The Restaurant's Front Sign
Mass resignations -- have it your way!
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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Heinz Launches Petition For Hot Dogs and Buns To Come In Equal Numbered Packs
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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FBI Seizes Lego U.S. Capitol From Home Of IRL U.S. Capitol Dingus
It seems one alleged insurrectionist just couldn't LEGO of his desire to seize the Capitol.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 14
Zack Snyder Is Making His Own Knockoff Version of 'Star Wars'
"In a universe quite a ways from here ..." -- Rebel Moon's opening text, probably.
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 10
Trump Sues Facebook, Twitter, Google, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey Over Allegations of Social Media Censorship
Wow! Who could have possibly seen this coming?
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 47
Parents of Children Named Alexa Beg Amazon to Change Home Assistant's Name
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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- 36
The Onion Predicted The U.S. Military Would Leave Afghanistan In The Middle of the Night Ten Years Ago
The psychics at 'The Onion' strike again!
- Authors
- By Carly Tennes
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