Cracked Archive - Music

5 Amazing New Experimental Drugs I Just Took: A Review

I\'m the resident Alternative Lifestyle Specialist around here (which is what I keep asking my boss to call me instead of \'drug-addled wreck of a human being,\') so when new pharmaceutical trends sweep through the United States like Daniel Larusso\'s leg, it\'s up to me to cover them.


Tales To Tell 'Round Midnight: The Egg Haunt

It's like Goosebumps, only for adults and kind of about Easter.


Twice-Translated Tales of the Super Friends

The Super Friends had to deal with a lot of problems. They had to fight crime without actual violence on the screen, one of them was a bucket of water, six of them didn\'t wear pants and the non-Caucasian ones were so clumsily written that they seemed like animatronics from a racist pizza parlor.


6 Albums By Rock Legends That Were Thinly Veiled 'F#@k You's

In an industry where recording artists are constantly forced to grab their ankles, these guys did it with a smile on their faces.


Hollywood Has Reached a New Low (And It Is Awesome)

Friends and Lovers, I have amazing news. According to \'The Hollywood Reporter\', Warner Brothers is planning on making an action-adventure movie \'based\' on Leonardo da Vinci called \'Leonardo da Vinci and the Soldiers of Forever.\' As much as I hate to admit it, I did not make up that awesome, totally rad title. That\'s what the treatment is act


Why Crimes Would Never Get Solved at a TV Police Station

\'We all work best alone at this station,\'Cheesesteak replied, his mouth full of fatness and tongue \'but it\'s procedure. Every straight man needs a wacky partner, and vice versa. And I tell you what: It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't count how many times Sergeant Philly\'s saved my ass.\' \'Philly and Cheesesteak?\'Rock b


The 7 Most Horrifying Things Found in the Homes of 'Hoarders'

We'd barf, but we're scared these hoarders would try to keep it.


'I hate cancer patients': John Mayer is Too Candid (Again)

MAYER: You never see pictures of women having sex with dozens of robots at once any more.


How to Social Network for Women on Valentine's Day

How was I to find such a thing in this work-a-day world? A bar? Those aren\'t open at this hour. A pottery class? I’m already an expert potter. The bank? That\'s barely a suggestion. A fourth thing? Now I\'m just going too far. Which is how I came to find myself back on Friendster ...


8 Romantic Songs You Didn't Know Were About Rape

There are some love songs hidden away in the folds of the Billboard Top 40 that seem to be about the kind of love you have in an alley with the assistance of an ether soaked rag.


The 6 Most Aggressively Ridiculous Benders in Modern History

Here are the confused, bewildered, most certainly arrested souls that gave birth to our most majestic of benders...


7 Insane Ways Music Affects The Body (According to Science)

Turns out music does more than just show the world you're a terrible dancer.


The Most Powerful Man in the World: The Voice in Your GPS

Turn left in five hundred feet. Open the glove box and remove the gun. Kill!