Which Four-Time ‘SNL’ Host Is Most Likely to Join the Five-Timers Club?
Things have gotten a little crowded in the lounge at the SNL Five-Timers Club in recent years. The Five-Timers used to be a pretty exclusive group, made up of celebrity stalwarts popular and funny enough to warrant at least five invitations to host the show. The club now has 24 members, with John Mulaney, Paul Rudd and Woody Harrelson joining the ranks since 2021.
Since the philosophy seems to be “the more the merrier,” Season 49 will likely see new members getting their Five-Timers jackets, right? Not so fast there, Chevy — while there are a dozen potential hosts with four appearances and counting, most of them won’t be knocking on that door anytime soon. Here’s the best bet on which host will become the next Five-Timer…
Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.
The Disgraces
Let’s start with three guys who likely won’t be returning any time soon. Louis C.K. last hosted in 2017, mere months before the New York Times published a story about the comic’s nasty habit of masturbating in front of female comedians. James Franco also made his last appearance in 2017 (a banner year!), but it was Times Up for Franco when several women and former students came forward with troubling allegations. And Season 49 doesn’t seem like an opportune time to welcome back four-timer Ashton Kutcher after his impassioned pleas on behalf of convicted sex criminal Danny Masterson.
Consider these three banished to the Land of Never Again.
Extremely Unlikely, But Who Knows?
Monty Python legends Eric Idle and Michael Palin have both had four cracks at hosting. But seeing as both men are 80 (with nothing to promote), it would probably take a Betty White-style fan uprising to bring back either Python. As long as we’re on the subject of “too old to host,” we should probably mention 82-year-old Paul Simon. He seems to have been accepted into the club already (he shows up in the robe in Five-Timer sketches) even though technically he’s only hosted four times. Perhaps Lorne Michaels considered his several other cameos and musical appearances and grandfathered him in.
We’re crossing Cameron Diaz off the list since she’s mostly retired from acting (even though Jamie Foxx talked her into some Netflix movie that hasn’t seen the light of day).
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t exactly belong on The Disgraces list, but a series of scandals seem to have derailed her acting career for the time being. Plus, seeing as Lohan is a new mother, she likely has enough on her hands without hosting SNL.
Consider Charles Barkley a dark horse to join the Club. The guy never has anything specific to promote, but he kills every time he’s given the chance. Barkley no longer wears the Cool Weird Sportsguy crown he was sporting in the 2010s, but who knows?
The Former Cast Contenders
It’s a good bet that Kristen Wiig will join the club eventually, but will Season 49 be the year? She doesn’t have a lot in the hopper other than voicework in Despicable Me 4 and Sausage Party: Foodtopia — the guess here is she’ll be back when she has something more substantial to promote.
Dana Carvey seems to have newfound relevance in SNL circles thanks to his weirdly nostalgic Fly on the Wall podcast. As an all-time cast member, would it make more sense to schedule Carvey for a victory lap in Season 50?
More of a sure thing for Season 49 would be one-season cast member Martin Short. He’s got two things going for him — an Emmy-nominated performance in prestige comedy series Only Murders in the Building and the prize of hosting last season’s most-watched episode with Steve Martin. Ratings still count for something around here.
It’s Going to Happen
If there’s an Oscar front-runner right now, it’s likely Emma Stone for her performance as a postmodern Frankenstein’s monster in Poor Things. Despite rave reviews, that movie’s going to be a hard sell. What better way to promote it than Stone returning to be fitted for her satin smoking jacket? Oh, and Stone is also married to longtime SNL writer Dave McCary. And so, if you’re heading to Vegas anytime soon, put your money down on Stone to be the next member of the SNL Five-Timers Club.
