TikTok Comedian Tells Us Which Ordinary Foods Would Kill Gwyneth Paltrow

As last month’s ski trial conclusively proved, Gwyneth Paltrow cannot be taken down by just any mortal man — Taco Bell, on the other hand, could kill us all.

In the unlikely event that any one of his followers ever takes on the harrowing task of feeding the Goop founder, comedian and TikTok star Rob Anderson recently provided a helpful chart to determine the average foodstuff’s edibility on the Paltrow Spectrum. Anderson’s educational video covers the entire “kill scale,” ranging from acceptable sustenance for the Shakespeare in Love star, such as a single leaf of sun dried arugula, to food that poses an existential threat to the solar system if it enters her finely-tuned digestive system, like a KFC Double Down or Chef Boyardee Beefaroni.

If Terry Sanderson really wanted to go after Gwyneth, he wouldn’t take her to court — he’d take her to 7-Eleven.

In all fairness to Paltrow, blue Captain Crunch maple syrup would probably kill most of humanity if ingested — and maybe we deserve that for allowing it to exist in the first place.