We're probably not getting a new Star Wars movie anytime soon, unless it's about multiple Darth Vaders standing six feet apart from one another in a public park. In the meantime, there will be some new Star Wars content on TV. Not just the upcoming second season of The Mandalorian, but next week sees the release of the children's game show Jedi Temple Challenge, hosted by Jar Jar Binks actor Ahmed Best.
The premise of the show finds young teams of Padawans competing in feats of strength and knowledge, presumably after Disney has abducted them and severed all contact with their parents. As the recently-released trailer puts it "only one team will have what it takes to enter the Jedi Temple" -- which depending on when this game is set in the Star Wars universe, may just contain one sad, regret-filled senior citizen. The ultimate goal of the game is to become a Jedi Knight, meaning that the grand prize is essentially a life of cheap meaningless sex. (What's the age limit to sign up?)
As many of us first guessed, the game looks a lot like the '90s Nickelodeon show Legends of the Hidden Temple, which similarly found kids running through ancient styrofoam ruins like tiny Indiana Joneses on PCP. In the ensuing years, we've learned more about what went on behind the scenes at Legends of the Hidden Temple, namely that it traumatized many of its contestants. The show had to shut down more than once because of "kid meltdowns" which occasionally involved "hysterically crying in the middle of the temple." One child got so upset she vomited into the "pit of despair" which sounds like a scene out of Conan the Barbarian's 21st birthday.
So while Jedi Temple Challenge may be a fun show for kids, what we're really looking forward to are the inevitable tell-all articles we'll get five or ten years from now documenting the making of this wacky show. How many kids peed themselves while piloting a starship? Did anyone hurl in an ancient Kyber crystal cave? Hopefully one day we'll find out.
Top Image: Lucasfilm